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3 Bumps

So messed up and dont know what to do

I don't know if I am too mental to be in a relationship. I am in my 30's, got married about 3 weeks ago. My husband is a very nice guy, caring, very good to my 14 year old daughter. I have my own issues and am in therapy for it. The other day, I told u guys that my ex tried to kill me and my daughter in the car. I get very scared in cars. So I was riding with my husband, got scared and said "honey, the cars are slowing down ahead." He yelled at me to shut the fuck up. He has never done that before. Then a couple of days ago, my hubby's ex wife was in our yard while my hubby was gone. I told him to tell his ex that she is not allowed here and he said he called her and told her but I don't know if I believe him. He isn't cheating, its not like that. I have been abused in the past to the point where I wonder if I can even have a relationship. My ex husband cheated and tried to kill us in the car, my parents were cops who beat and molested me and my sisters, the list goes on. I have been in therapy for years. I love this guy but the past is haunting me. I need to talk to my husband but I don't know what to say. I texted him while he is at work today and told him that it hurt my feelings when he told me to shut the fuck up. His response was pretty much that he is a very safe driver, he drives locally for a living and I need to trust him. I do trust him but I still get scared. And I'm afraid if I tell him how I feel he will tell me he wants a divorce. Please, no bashing, I'm already feeling like crap. Thanks.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Jun. 27, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Oh my goodness, I am SO sorry!!!! All of that is really terrible, but you are NOT terrible. You did the right thing by telling your hubby it was hurtful when he told you to stfu. He needs to be respectful of your past and how you're dealing with it. I tell my fiance to slow down and be careful all the time and he does get irritated but I also wasn't almost killed by my ex husband in a car. I'd just kindly ask him to be more understanding or maybe suggest you drive? (if that would make you feel better) Maybehe should go to therapy with you and that will make him understand better. GL
    CollinsMommy729

    Answer by CollinsMommy729 at 5:32 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • You NEED to tell him how you feel and to bring him into your therapy. If he decides he wants a divorce because of it, then he's NOT wortj keeping.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:45 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • OMG honey I couldnt imagine : / I believe you can still have a relationship but its goin to take time and alot of it for you to deal with the emotional past you've dealth with. He should b able to understand where you're comin from in the situation and try to make you feel better. Not tell you to shut the fuck up cuz thtll just make you more scared. well.. good luck..
    carrientravisj1

    Answer by carrientravisj1 at 4:46 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Wow! I am so sorry to hear what you're going thru. I agree, you need to tell him. this is not something you can keep secret. it will probably fill in a lot of blanks for him and most likely he'll stand by your side and go with you to counseling. stay strong and keep your chin up.
    mmsfirstone

    Answer by mmsfirstone at 4:52 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • You have a great deal of anxiety in the car. I can understand. I was in a terrible car accident at the end of last year and I now have anxiety in the car (I don't even drive because of it. It's not safe for other drivers for me to drive). Sit your husband down and explain everything to him. I would also include him in some of your therapy sessions. He needs to know how your past has effected you. Help him to help you with all of this.
    zoomomto3

    Answer by zoomomto3 at 4:54 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Will he think I'm too messed up if I tell him all of it? He knows about my ex and a little bit about my parents.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:16 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I still don't understand what the need was for "shut the fuck up "
    Helen2004

    Answer by Helen2004 at 5:21 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • It sounds like you already told him how you feel. I don't think I'd keep throwing it up in his face & piss him off again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • i am sorry to hear of your horrifying past this is something you should've dealt with before you got married.honey I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh but sometimes you have to take care of you before you get into another lifelong commitment.seeings how you've already taken the plunge as so to say i feel that maybe you should invite your new husband to your sessions.then maybe he can get a grip on how much these things really do bother you on a daily basis and "trusting" him is alot easier said than done.you've obviously done the right thing on therapy but you can't go thru life having things constantly scare you and getting your feeling hurt all the time.i myself was in a horrifying relationship and my ex did almost succeed in killing me until the EMT brought me back.i completely recognize your fear but you should have dealt with all this drama before you said i do.you need to toughen up and ask him to your sessions.Good luck.
    elzingah36

    Answer by elzingah36 at 5:52 PM on Jun. 27, 2011