Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How to get the step mom from saying she is the mother

I raised my kids and they are very successful in every way. They are now 29 and 30. One is a DR and the other just finished his MBA. This woman insists on calling herself the mother and not the stepmother, even when I am in the same room. My kids and I have been close but they hate that I get upset with the stepmother and want me to ignore her behavior. I find this impossible.This happened at my son's recent graduation. She told someone she was the mother and the person she told later asked if I was the grandmother. She tells me she raised them 50% of the time and has a right to do what she is doing. She may have had them at her house about 5-7% of the time over all the years. She was not nice to them much of the time but wants credit for their success. She has 2 younger children (18 and 20) who are not doing as well as my kids.
How do I get her to stop calling herself the mother and interfering in all big occasions? Has anyone dealt successfully with step mothers who overstep their bounds? THANKS.

Answer Question
 
Padel12345

Asked by Padel12345 at 5:27 PM on Jun. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (7 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • You just set her straight publicly. Screw her. I would. I would say why sure having them every other weekend and a couple weeks in the summer makes everyone a mother doesnt it?
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 5:30 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • if you are the one who did the raising, then the only people she's 'fooling' are the ones who don't know better. and if they don't know you or the 'kids'..what difference does it make?
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 5:31 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • My x's current wife tells people she's my children's mom. She did NOT have anything ever to do with raising them. She's YOUNGER than two of them and the same age as my "baby"!!!! I just ignore the idiot.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:37 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • i think you kids need to tell her to stop it . i have to say i am on the other side of the fence as i am a step mum who is rasing her step kids 24/7 so theyc all me mum . but i niver dream of it if they had a good mum who looked after them . personal i think the step mum not a nice person if she doing it even when your in the room but it really is something for your kids to tell her off about .
    feralkitten

    Answer by feralkitten at 5:37 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Why worry about it? She WAS a mother to them as well. granted you had them more, but it sounds like you are trying to compete for your position. You will always be the bio-mom. Your kids sound like they are successful. Let it go... There are far many more important things which could use your energy and efforts. Get nusy and focus on your life... it is more important what your kids need then trying to control that she takes credit for the kids as well. Be glad they had 2 people who helped raised them. it could be so much worse.... criticizing her won't change this, but shines a bad light on you... I think you have some other resentments towards her which you are focusing into this... I am sure you were miffed you were questioned if you were the gramdmother... Forget about it and enjoy life..... don't be bitter- you didn't need to slam her kids because you are upset......
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 5:38 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I think its time that your kids say something to her. Maybe it will sink in better if they are the ones to say "you are not my mom you are my stepmom please stop saying your my mom". Otherwise you could just go around in public correcting her (this is something I would do). Or you could simply ignore her being dumb. Those are the options I see. Sorry.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 5:40 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • My first reaction is I would slap her upside her head to catch her from my judo chop!!!!

    Then I read you post again and noticed that your kids say to just ignore her. Your kids sound very intellgent and must have a reason for saying that instead of choosing another way. Your children know deep down you deserve the credit for raising them to be so successful and that is what is most important, right?
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 5:44 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I can't believe your children haven't told her to knock it off. They need to. Or you set it straight in front of everyone one day. She is probably embarassed because her children are doing badly and you have children to be proud of. She is a liar and if she gets embarassed, that is her problem.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I would go with what your kids want----they say to just ignore her. I think you are making too much out of this.
    Your kids and their opinions of you should be the only ones that matter to you.
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 5:51 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • i dont care how much she had your kids.. she IS NOT their mother.. I have a stepdaughter..she calls me by my first name .. and I would never expect anything more.
    Emmajosmommy

    Answer by Emmajosmommy at 6:17 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.