Hi, all! I was wondering how you refer to your child's birthparents, or birthparents, what does your child's adoptive family refer to you as? I'm happy with both terms, but hubby is struggling. He feels like the term "birthfather" takes away from his role as father. He swears up and down that he doesn't feel threatened, but you and I both know that deep down he is. We had a big discussion about it recently and about the fact that he needs to deal with some things in his own heart regarding adoption, etc. so that he feels confident in his role as dad to our kids. I struggle with how else to explain who these people are to the kids without those terms. (DD is 3, DS is 1.5) I tell them that you grew in X's belly, but what do you say about the birthfather? That he helped you grow in X's belly? It's just so hard to explain the relationship to small kids. We have open adoptions with both, but don't have in-person visits at this point based on the wishes of our kids' birthfamilies, but that could always be a possibility in the future. I would expect that the kids would call them by their first names when they get older, but for now?
Anyway, please no bashing on the hubs. Everyone has to deal with their emotional baggage re:adoption on all sides of the triad, and has to do it in their own time. I know that someday he'll feel as peaceful as I do about these issues, he just needs time. He knows that we have to do what is best for our kids in the end, but I'd like to show him that I respect his feelings for now and want to gently help him through it. Any suggestions on alternative names? Thanks in advance!
Answer by feralkitten at 6:40 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
Answer by mcginnisc at 8:07 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
Answer by Aislin at 9:49 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:14 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 10:17 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 10:38 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Jun. 27, 2011
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