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5 Bumps

It's a boy, and i'm scared shitless.

I'm 21 y/o and 18 weeks pregnant, you could say that the only thing I have felt during this pregnancy is fear, anxiety, panic and depression. I am so scared that I'm not gonna be a good mom and that I'll hate it, that I won't know what to do with my time, I'll get overwhelmed (which is my middle name), and now I'm worried about it being a boy because I bonded with the idea of a girl. I'm disappointed but SO glad he's healthy. I just don't know what to do, please, did you feel anything like this throughout your pregnancies? Did you not think you wanted to be a mom? Did you question how daily life would be? Did you worry it would be awkward changing a boy's diaper or giving a bath? What can I do? This isn't something that you can try out and see if you like it, it's so important and serious and permanent and i'm terrified.

Answer Question
 
quinny89

Asked by quinny89 at 7:07 PM on Jun. 27, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 5 (88 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • Your anxieties are very normal, you will be pleasantly surprised when this baby boy is born and you find yourself falling in love right away, and even if you don't, he will quickly grow on you. Relax mom, you will be a great one! you are worrying over something that hasn't happened yet, this goes with the mom territory, hugs!

    older

    Answer by older at 7:10 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Go volunteer at a daycare or something ..just to get a feel of things, to see what its like. Some things will come naturally to you. I had my first and I didn't know too much. I just went with the flow of things. If I had any questions I came to cafe mom and they were very helpful! Make a post asking questions and maybe some moms will help you out. Congrats on your baby being healthy.
    suzzanna

    Answer by suzzanna at 7:11 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I agree with older, your anxieties are normal. I have two girls now, but I was pregnant with my first at 21-22. I was convinced maternal instincts wouldn't kick in, I wouldn't know what to do I would be overwhelmed and do a terrible job. When your baby is born you change- your whole world/perspective is altered. You will be fine. Take a class, volunteer, find other moms in your area so you have resources and support. Congratulations on your baby boy!
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 7:21 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Having a boy is GREAT ! Congrats to you ! All those feelings that you are feeling are perfectly normal. Espically you only being 21, a new mother. I was 21 when i had my son and it was the greatest feeling in the world.
    For me when he was born it wasnt akward changing his diaper, i was scared to at first because of his circumcision but after a few days i got the hang of it and it was fine after that. Bathing wasnt alway easy cause they are so " Slippery when wet" but you just lay him down on a towel in his baby bath so he doesnt slip around as much.
    I always wanted to be a mom, we planned having my son. Never had a fear that i would be a bad mom..I was 16 when i first got pregnant and had my daughter at 17. I was ok with that too, I had no choice. I made my bed and i had to lie in it. Taking care of babys isnt always easy but you will get the hang of it and you will do great !!! Goodluck and congrats again !!
    Amberlovesher3

    Answer by Amberlovesher3 at 7:22 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • when i was first pregnant with my first son i was the same way...but i watched my friends babies for them to go out since they knew i was nervous and it came naturally to me...most of my friends said boys are easier than girls so i was blessed when i found out i had boys... now my hearts aching for that little girl and part of me is scared shitless for that main reason you'll do fine just take a deep breath and put of for some babysitting for family and friends with little kids... good luck
    proudmommy_0811

    Answer by proudmommy_0811 at 7:22 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I had a boy and found that he was easier to raise than my girls. He was cheerful and easy-going. Ask people to help. READ all you can about pregnacy childbirth and rasiing kids. Be prepared then you won't be scared. LOVE your baby and the rest will follow.
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 8:10 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • Your feelings are totally normal! Can you find a mommy club near you? You can join, even though your LO isn't born yet. There are MOMS clubs - official things, and unofficial mommy clubs. MOMS is "Mothers Offering Mothers Support".

    However - watch your depression and talk to your doctor about it. Many women feel mildly depressed at times during pregnancy. It is normal with all the hormone changes. But if your depression "hurts" like the TV ads, then you may need medication, counseling, or both. Don't risk your child's health. Women who are depressed are less likely to eat well, sleep well, exercise, and take care of themselves. Btw, if you can, make sure you eat well, sleep well, walk 2 miles a day, and you may cure yourself of your depression.

    There are some risks to taking antidepressants during pregnancy, but those moms who freak out and kill their babies should have probably been on medication. Take care of you!
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 11:08 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I know exactly how you feel. I found out I was pregnant the weekend dh took a promotion. That promotion moved us cross country. I was so overwhelmed with the entire idea of vein pregnant. I wanted so badly to have a second child for so long, bit when we found out, I felt like it came at the wrong time. We were losing our insurance bc it was through the state (not Medicaid, but only offered in that state)..thank god for my dad being able to re-add me to his insurance. I didn't feel like I bonded with the baby throughout the pregnancy just bc of the whole came at a wrong time thing. Then we found out we were having a boy. I was happy, but deep down I really wanted a second girl. I was scared, my family lived nowhere close, and I was so stressed that I wouldn't be able to handle two kids on my own...especially since I had such a hard time getting around after I had our dd. My labor and delivery went smoothly and I bonded with
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 11:49 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • The little man right away...so much so that I stayed up all night the first night just adoring him and trying to figure out how I couldn't have bonded with him while hr was still in there. Going on 3 weeks later, all is well and he is precious.

    You have every right to be scared, and it's normal. Don't worry, it'll all work out. Don't be afraid to ask questions..no question is stupid. They'll show you how to change and care for a boy at the hospital. If you're concerned that you're stressing about it too much, talk to your doc and see if they can prescribe anything or anything like that. Good luck. It's all worth it on the end.
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 11:55 PM on Jun. 27, 2011

  • I'm 18 and I have been worried ever since I saw those little pink lines. My dad and mom have been supportive but them living so far away along with my friends have made it very hard doing this on my own. My bf works all the time to support us only with bills raising up even more everyday. To be perfectly honest I didn't want kids at all and marriage wasn't on my agenda. It's all change. We moved out of a crappy apartment into a nice 2 bedroom house. Bills are still coming and our car just broke down but we worked out payments with our landlord and found a car that's nice in working condition and cheap. He also worked out payments with my bf. It'll all come together. I mean don't get me wrong this isn't a perfect life I do find myself crying cause I'm so scared but then I think of my baby's face and what he will look like and I feel better. And trust me I was hoping mine wasn't a girl and thinking that scared me.
    Kim92

    Answer by Kim92 at 4:45 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

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