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4 Bumps

HELP! He ran a way again!!!

Our 14 year od son keeps running away, because he's grounded! It would only have been for one week out of his summer initially, but because he continues to run a way then it's obviously going to add to it. He keeps jumping out of his window from the main level but it's more like the second level just the layout of the home. Dad nailed them shut one all the way and the other half way so that he can get fresh air due to summer. He just ran again on June 25, and was brought back June 26 at 2:30am from a police officer who found him outside in a different area from where we live. He did not receive a curfew ticket...no consequence from the police officer at all, they don't help anymore they just say we found him and you can come pick him up or we can drop him off. We have filed him as a run a way around 4 times. I'm just so tired of going through this...I want to send him to boot camp but I'm not sure if we can afford it. He's such a good manipulator and lies like we breath air if he can't have something he will find a way to get it. He comes home after running away with new stuff hats, clothes . What advice if any do you have? has anyone been through this before?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (19)
  • Lock the door and don't let him back in. Let him know you aren't playing his games.
    myownhappiness

    Answer by myownhappiness at 12:30 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Stop grounding him and he won't run away. Obviously, it's not working and it is causing more problems. Why not just discuss with him whatever he's doing to piss you off enough to keep grounding him? It just seems like you are making this matter worse. Even the police obviously think what you are doing is wrong or they would support you. Try something else. This isn't working plus you are endangering him by nailing his windows shut in case of fire. He could turn you in for that and cause you real problems. Think this through and if you can't then get professional help for the family. There is evidently a lack of communication in the family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • You can't lock the door myownhappiness, then she'd go to jail. CPS would arrest her for that. Geez, lock out a 14 yr old? Surely you can do better than that
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I was the runaway. This looks like something my mom would have written. Wow.....you are doing the right things. Keep reporting him. What happened to me was....I didn't stop, so eventually became a ward of the court. I was removed from a good home and housed with girls who have been abused like no other! I realized life wasn't that bad. I also ran away from there though. I was kidnapped, beaten, raped and more.

    I would suggest ungrounding him. Stop the you won't win ordeal. It doesn't matter. He's hurting bad! Get him some help! The constant grounding just made me want to run more! Listen to his feelings, even if you don't agree or like them. The streets are not safe. His life could be in danger. Sometimes the fight doesn't matter as much. Get beneath the problems,behind the hurt, and everything else will come together.

    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:34 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Well what else do you expect her to do? I'm not talking about forever I'm talking about a scare tactic. And CPS can also get her for her kid running away and being caught by the cops repeatedly and filing for 4 run away reports. You don't think that isn't endangerment? And what is the kid going to say "my mom locked me out because I keep running away and I am a defiant little jerk"???
    myownhappiness

    Answer by myownhappiness at 12:35 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I'm so sorry he keeps running away. It doesn't sound like grounding him is doing a very good job. Why don't you get him to clean the garage, basement, a closet or an attic or something like that. It will keep him busy. Then you can at least see what he's doing. I would definitely find a psychologist for him. It's time to find out what's going on, so you can help him.
    amessageofhope

    Answer by amessageofhope at 12:39 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • CPS won't nail a parent for an out of control teen. They will hold the teen accountable. I even had a stay in juvie simply because I ran away. My mother filed 25 reports. She is doing the responsible thing by reporting. The only way mom would be in trouble is if she FAILED to file a report.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:39 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I don't think you give in on the grounding. He does need consequences, he's only 14 & he isn't in charge. Just because the police haven't given him a ticket doesn't mean they oppose what the parents are doing. I would talk to the school guidance counselor if you haven't already. Also call the police department. I know ours had a youth diversion program for kids that were getting into trouble.

    Check into a parent support group as well. I don't know the situation, so I don't know how the problems began, but I do know that at one of the parenting classes that we took the instructor said most kids will respond to consequences & consistent parenting, but some kids have to learn things the hard way. That doesn't mean to stop enforcing rules. For the rest of his life he will have rules & if he doesn't follow them he WILL eventually get tickets, fines, and possibly jail time..lose jobs, relationships..etc.

    Good luck & hugs!
    ohwrite

    Answer by ohwrite at 12:43 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • It makes me really sad to read stories where a family has come to this. What ever happened to love and respect? I raised my kids with love and there is no way in the world any of them would ever even consider running away, and I've never had to ground them or punish them in any way. They love me, I love them. My kids are aged 21, 18, 16, 13, 7 and 2. Raise them with love and respect and these things just don't become an issue.

    The only helpful thing I can suggest is that you all go to counseling. Your parenting skills have failed him, and he is now disappointing you. The only way to turn everything around is to all get help, and to do so with an open heart and an open mind.
    judimary

    Answer by judimary at 12:48 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Judimary, I wish I could high five you! I wish some one had told my mom this. It was always praise like," you are so good at this BUT",
    " a B is good BUT you could have had an A" "I don't want you to play sports because you'll feel bad when you lose", and so much more. As an adult I realize the effect those words had on me.
    Every time I tried to share in the therapy that THEY paid for, my mom would just say I exaddurate, I'm making things up, I'm so emotional, I don't remember that, etc etc.
    Hens I couldn't agree more. Do therapy, but have an open mind and heart! My mom is truly amazing, and we have learned together. We are very close. It's been hard for both of us but I'm so grateful now.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 12:56 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

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