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7 Bumps

I given up on life

I'm tired of struggling, tires of being alone. I'm just so tired of everything! Why does everything have to be so hard.
I've been a single mom for years. I don't drink, don't smoke, don't go out on dates. First, who has the money for that stuff? Second, my kids need me, I'm mom first.
But I've lost my motivation, I just wanna sit here and cry. I'm tired of the battle and just wanna give up! I have a decent job & do well at my job. I make decent money but its never enough.
We live in a tralor / modular home, I have an old car. I just want something new. Something nice.
I feel like I've worked so hard for... what? My kids never get a summer vacation, not even a day out. Not that I don't have vacation time & pay, but who has the extra money?
I used to wonder how someone could just give up their kids and let someone else have them. But I'm just tired of the fight and struggles.
I had my first dd at 18, kept her and did fine. At 24, got married - had two children and divorced in 2005. He didn't have a paychack one week, he had to pay for some other womans abortion.
I could not stay with him & of course that was my fault, I should have forgiven him, I've already heard all that - but yes, there were other issues between us - but yes, I know, if id been taking care of him at home, none of this would have happened.
I get it - its all my fault & the life I have now is my punishement. Its my fault he also left his kids to be a deadbeat dad.
Well, I give up. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired. Just tired of thinking, I'm doing what's right just to be pushed back down.
A part of me what's to drink, smoke and be a slut hell get thrown in jail. Why the hell not! Being everything good isn't seem to be working.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:23 AM on Jun. 28, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • Please don't give up now, after all the hard work you've had to endure, all the sacrifices you've have to go through to give your children food and shelter and to give them a good example. You need to hang in there to be able to watch the seeds that you have been planting bloom and give fruit. Everything that you have been doing will pay off. Maybe right now it's hard to see cause your children are still young and they still need you and maybe they can't or don't know how to tell you how greatful they are to have you as a mother. But they will grow up and you will see what wonderful good loving children of society you have brought up. And remember since you say you go to church, there is One very important person watching you from above. Can you just imagine the smile God must have on his face when he looks down and sees you. The world would be a much better place if there was more people like you.
    momplus01

    Answer by momplus01 at 10:36 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I'm so sorry hun :-( just know that it isn't about how much money you have and doing all kinds of things for the kids. It's about giving them love and being the best mom you can be. Your kids think the world of you. *hugs
    tspillane

    Answer by tspillane at 7:30 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • samurai chica has a point. Think of the things you are grateful for. That's what changed me and my attitude. I started a Grateful Journal when Oprah was telling us to do those. I had to start small but the longer I did it the more I saw I could be grateful for. Not bashing but I'd start with being grateful for having that modular home and old car. Some people have no home or car. I'd love to have a car even if it was old.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:36 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • sorry, i didn't mean to insult or hurt feelings. I come off strong sometimes. I know you're hurting, but there is still good in your life & focus on that. That's all I'm trying to say. If you try to focus on what's good you will feel better & things will get better for you.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:21 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • You sound depressed mama. You need to talk to a counselor, your minister, somebody. Also, since you are active in your church, can you & your kids participate in any family activities the church does? When money is tight, sometimes it's not about accumulating things, it's about accumulating memories! :)    Things WILL get better!  GL! :)   *Hugs*

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:43 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Oh dear, I know how u feel, seems like we all have our reasons for wanting to give up. I was just thinking the same thing yesterday, but we can't! If we give up then what happens to our children, the one thing in life that keeps us from giving up! They need u! I know sometimes it feels so hard to be needed all the time, but that's what makes up the stronger sex....no matter how hard it gets we keep the family together and going! Keep ur chin up, ur doing the right thing! What will u get out of drinking, smoking and becoming promiscuous?! Nothing, that's what, except diseases and being a bad example! It will be ok......if we fall from the cliff, God will either catch us or give us wings!
    PANZONSMOM

    Answer by PANZONSMOM at 10:02 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • It's not your fault that he doesn't live up to his responsibilities.

    It sounds like you need a little bit of a break. Can your mother take the kids for a weekend? Even just getting a babysitter so that you could grab a novel and sit in a coffee shop for a few hours would do you wonders.

    Hang in there. It does get easier as the kids get older.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 7:32 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Wow, you and I have a lot in common but I made it through all of that. My kids are finally grown and gone and I'm the happiest I've ever been. Please don't give up. It's not you and your life, it's the economy. Hang in there. If it gets too ugly PM me. I'm usually around.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:33 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I feel the same way you do. I have 4 kids, single, and work too much. I feel no glimmer to life, everything is dull. The days blend into each other and I often retreat to a fantasy world. I see and feel the judgement of my peers. But for some reason being judged snaps me back and I refuse to believe this is a punishment.
    We are only punishing ourselves for self described sins. Our children have value and we are part of that value. Reading your post makes me want to tell you that you deserve better out of life and that you have the power to create better. We must let go of our own self judgements and what we thought life would be like. We must find something worth looking forward to. I have thought about signing my kids over to my parents more and more often. I don't think that's the answer for either of us. I wish I could give you some wonderful words...friend me, we'll help each other.
    34andcounting

    Answer by 34andcounting at 1:32 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I'm tired of facebbok, all my friends going on vacation. The ones hooked up this guy or that guy, the ones that talk about going out drinking, etc. But here I sit. Thinking, nope I'm doing the right thing by staying home, taking care of my kids and showing them the right way to behave in life. No alchole or smoking, no men in and out of our house.
    Then why does it feel like I'm the one being punished? Yes, we go to church. What ever test this is - I feel like I've failed it.
    I don't think, id know how to have fun. I haven't really laughed in years. And a part of me just doesn't care anymore!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:36 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

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