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2 Bumps

Please help!! Child's friend :(

My child went to preschool and met a friend. I am very new to town. I found out this 'friend' lives a street over from me. When I say this child (not mine, his friend) has behavioral problems, that's an understatement. The kid will be 4 in July and he still cannot form complete sentences, verbally communicate well, hits his mother, bites his mother and he hits my child. The child spits, pees in his baby pool, on rare occasions they play nicely, but the mom is a single mom. She works full time and her child is babysat by her varoius relatives.

She literally lives a street down the block from me and I'm stay at home so she calls me various hours of the day for the kids to play. She drives by to if I'm home. My son asks for her child constantly to play but my son started hitting me the other day which is NOT my son. I do not hit and he has never hit me before, but he saw her son hit his mother and spit at her so my son is repeating this behaviors.

Yesterday, she called me at 8am to come over and play. I said my child has a playdate at 11 which he did with his other friend. Her kid got kicked out of preschool (not kidding) the child would throw his sneakers at the teachers when he got mad and this mom wants me to help babysit her child in the fall.

I am at my last rope. Advise. Please.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:29 AM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • If you want to try to be friends restrict the times you are together. Only have that child in your not let your child go to the other home. Have firm consistent rules in your home and if that child does not follow them don't invite him. Repeat over and over to your child that everyoneis different but you follow certain rules in your family. Now, if you do not want to be friends keep declining invitations to be together. You may even have to say that your children are not a good "match". GL

    Answer by whitepeppers at 8:34 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • If I were you, I would come up with a reason you know you can tell her that your child's behavior has gotten out of hand and that he needs to just be alone for awhile & tell your son that it is not a punishment but you need him to play alone. (or however you want to word it) I would be up front with her & if you can't then make up something like there is a lot going on in your life & can't have company. I mean does she not get on to him or what?

    Answer by Eyeloveupunkin4 at 8:36 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I would tell her that her child's behavior is not acceptable to you and your children can't be "friends". This is an age where you have plenty of say in the kids your children bring home. This mom sounds like she dumps her kid on other people and doesn't discepline him at all. Not a good example for you child, and I wouldn't allow him near my kid. If she tries "stopping by" or drives by to see if you are home after you tell her this and tries to get you to watch him anyway, I would get a restraining order against her. She sounds pretty stalkerish to me.

    Answer by alphamom26 at 8:37 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • i would tell her that her son's behavior is rubbing off on my son & i don't like it. Put your foot down now....

    Answer by samurai_chica at 8:41 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I am so sorry you're going through this. I'm going to offer some advice that's a little different... see, I'm on the other side. My oldest son is autistic, and in all honesty, sounds a lot like your neighbor's son. That was DS1 when he was 4. I agree with having the child in your home - a change of scenery may do him some good - and if you're up to helping with his behavior problems the mom may thank you for it. She could probably use some help anyway.

    For the child to have befriended your son is a big step for kids like him anyway, and you just may be the one person who can help. With that said, he could just be an attention starved kid - which is how it was when my sister's stepson used to visit. He was awful - and that's a lot coming from the mom of an ASD kid. I would let nephew come over and I would parent him just like I do my own kids - and then pass the advice on to my sister who had no idea how to handle

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 8:49 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • him. Now, he's better behaved at her house and mine. If you need any advice, PM me, I would love to help.

    Answer by MunchiesMom324 at 8:51 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • MunchiesMom brought up the point I was going to make. Does this child have any developmental issues or challenges? Is he autistic? Does he have any other medical issues that might influence his behavior? What do you know about his family or his home? Is it an issue of a lack of discipline?

    I'm not saying that such a thing should mean you ignore the way he acts. I'm saying how you react may be colored by understanding any special needs or challenges this child faces.


    Answer by ldmrmom at 11:14 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • We had a similiar issue. Just say no -- over and over again until the other mom gets the message. Bad behavior rubs off -- and we need to be prepared to deal with negative influences from now thru whenever!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 11:15 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

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