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A while ago I posted something about trying to overcome abuse. When I lived at home as a child I got 1 corn tortilla a day to eat. I did odd jobs like collect rotton apples for our manager of the apartments and he would give me a quarter which I would collect until I had enough to wash my clothes. I was beat, strangled, my dad (a cop) would take a gun, put a bullet in it, spin it and shoot at our heads. He would hancuff us to our beds and molest us. Leave me home alone when I was really little and have people call me saying tthey were coming to kill me. I was not allowed to call the cops because you can't call the cops on a man so highly respected by other cops. I was locked in suitcases. My mom either assisted or turned a blind eye. Now, I know there are people who have had it worse than me and I am NOT looking for sympathy. The last time I was talking about this, I mentioned I was on meds and in therapy. Some girl posted that I need to "get my big girl panties on"and move on. Now, I do not relive those days but sometimes they haunt me and like last night, I just wanted to die. My question is, how does one get their big girl panties on?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:22 AM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • I'm so sorry! That must have been very hurtful! Sadly when you post on a public site, sharing personal things, even ass clowns and dip shits are allowed to answer. Sorry for the name calling, this really pisses me off!

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:25 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • With therapy, time, empathy from others, helping others in same situation, and with faith. Good luck mama.

    Answer by Dahis at 10:24 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Screw that woman!!! I'm sorry but it sounds like you're trying to get over some horrible, horrible issues and NO ONE can tell you how to handle it. YOU have to figure it out for yourself. Thats awful...I wish I knew who it was because that makes me want to go all Junior High on her and beat the shit out of her....Then, tell her she's not allowed to whine about it...just put on her big girls panties and get over it!

    Answer by mlmkjw at 10:28 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Honestly, don't put anymore energy into what that person said and letting it upset you. What you wrote probably struck a nerve with her. It's hard for people to imagine that such horriffic abuse goes on in the world, and she was extremely rude, but don't take it personally.

    Keep on getting support from people who care, take meds if you need them, get therapy if you want to and can, and realize that healing is a process that can take time, it doesn't happen in a day. You don't sound like you are wallowing in a pool of self-pity to me, and I applaud your efforts at healing and your strength!! You are a survivor not a victim!

    Answer by dwmom2008 at 10:37 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • The thing is, if you let this affect your life right now, your father is still winning. YOU have to make the decision that it is in the past, and you can only move forward and make a good life for you and your kids. Therapy would probably help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:29 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • You've got them on now and screw that insensitive bitch that said that! Your lucky you made it to this point! I'm glad your in therapy cause anyone that went through what you did is gonna need plenty of it. I'm sorry you went though what you did and I hope your life is good now and I hope your parents get what they deserve! Best to ya sweetie!


    Answer by anichols1 at 10:33 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • You can't just "get your big girl panties on." I am reading an excellent book right now because I was also abused as a child, which has affected my entire life. Mainly through making bad choices, mostly with men and it is also impacting my children. I didn't realize until now that most of them are adults, that it's created a big mess for them. Although I thought I had a handle on things because I did not continue the abuse, the fact that I was unstable in relationships has taken it's toll. The book is religious based, however if you are not religious, I think there is still a lot to gain from it. I'm very surprised at how I'm reading my life in this book. You are welcome to have it when I am finished. If you email me we'll get together on it. It's PTSD that you are experiencing. No one knows unless they have been there.

    Answer by attap5 at 11:01 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Those whoe never survived what you have will never, ever grasp the breadth and depth of the affect on your entire existence. As hard as this may be to do, pity the person who is so woefully misguided as to believe that a set of "big girl panties" is going to wash away decades' worth of pain, because should anything truly terrible ever happen to her, she will probably just collapse in on herself like a dying star.

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 10:52 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • You need to find professional help and continue with it for the rest of your life. I had a terrible childhood, but it doesn'tcompare to yours, and I'm still seeing my psychologist. I had a major breakdown recently from a culmination of events in my life. I'm on meds., I see a psychiatrist, and I receive (ECT) not as often as before, but basically, I may need this shock therapy for the rest of my life. Don't let it get to this point for you, if it hasn't already. Keep telling yourself you are a worthwhile human being and, better yet, a woman. It's easy for people to say, "put it behind you", "move on", but it's not easy to do and you cannot control all of your emotions. I'm 56 year old; I've been dealing with issues since I was a kid. Join the Depression Center Group on here. I did. There are so many women that feel your pain. Hugs and good luck! You've taken a step in the right direction by asking for help!

    Answer by rosiemendo at 11:00 AM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • It is too bad that people feel the need to be rude and insensitive. Do not let some hatetful b*tch get you down. I think you must be a very strong and courageous woman to overcome that kind of physical/mental/sexual abuse. I don't know what steps you took-- if you were on medication, therapy/counseling, support groups, faith in God/Higher Power..... you need to do whatever works best for you in dealing with this overcoming the abuse and healing. I wish you all the best!!

    Answer by MizLee at 11:00 AM on Jun. 28, 2011