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I'm living with my partner for 2 yrs. He wants his teenage daughter to come with us to family events on my side. What obligation do I have to do that ?

She does not live with us.
He visits her, and we visit her together, and we attend family events together on their side.
At times she does not want to go to her own family events. preferring to spend time with her friends.
When the 3 of us are together she can be withdrawn. When others are there she ignores me most of the time. When I've invited her to events on my side of the family she is over friendly to my family and ignores me.
My partner wants me to invite her to more family events on my side of the family. I'm uncomfortable with this because I think its too soon in our relationship, and because she ignores me. And I genuinely think she wouldn't be interested in going.
What obligation do I have to invite her to events on my side ?
I think its better for me to try and build a closer relationship with her first.
Can anyone give me advice ?
Help ..

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:09 PM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • She sounds like she resents you probably because you are with her dad. I honestly don't think she needs to be going to your side's events. Then again that might just be me but I don't see how it's appropriate to have children, even teenagers, around mom or dad's SO. You two are not married, she is not your stepdaughter. Honestly, I don't think you have any obligation to invite her. I can see her dad wanting to include her but he probably needs to spend one on one time with her and just be her dad instead of trying to force her into a situation she obviously does not like.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:21 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • If you all have been together for 2 years and are living together, I don't get why you think it is "too soon". I have always felt that if you are with someone who has children, you better be willing to accept them as you would your own children. That includes being around your family.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 12:12 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • You've been living with him for 2 years? Its definitely time, unless you want to end the relationship. She was part of the package, I know its hard, I'm a Stepmom and honestly, it sucks for me, but you can't pretend she's not a part of your life if you REALLY want to be with this man. And make sure that is what you really want because unless he is the man of your dreams, being a stepmom is not worth it, expecially to a teenager. Maybe getting to know your family and having their support on your side will actually HELP your relationship with her, you never know. GL. Blending families is not for sissies.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 12:14 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I would feel unwanted if you didn't at least offer to invite me into your family....and 2 years isn't too soon. Teenagers all go through the "rebellious" stage and act like they want nothing to do with you, but really...they do.
    CassiRae3

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 12:14 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I don't think you have any obligation BUT I think it shows him what kind of person you are if you don't want to bring HIS daughter with you. It seems that he cares about you and wants you to get to know his daughter more. And thats up to YOU not her. She is the child YOU are the adult.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Have you ever thought maybe she isn't completely over her parents splitting? Maybe she's upset that you have her father?
    I think you should try to involve her in more things.. maybe some one on one time with you.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 12:13 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • all i can say is he is a package that includes kids, just like if you had kids from a previous relationship you would want them included in things you do together. as far as her attitude, its normal she is a teen but you can sit her down and talk to her and ask her if she has a problem with you, if that doesn't help then sit your SO down and tell him to talk to her about her attitude. if she is having a nice time at your family's gatherings that should be a plus there. she doesn't have to like you but she does have to respect you.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 12:16 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • In my opinion after two years its not too soon. Now you said your not overly close with her well taking her to family events on your side could make her become closer to you. Also if you want to become closer to her you need to start showing her you are interested in her, maybe she thinks you arent interested or care about her so she simply dosent take the time to talk & hang out. Do some things together like take her out to get her a new outfit, have lunch together, hit a movie together, rent a movie & get junk food & stay in. Do things with her & maybe she'll come around. Now she may not she may even after some attempts of getting ot know her still not care but you wont konw until you try.
    Mel30248

    Answer by Mel30248 at 12:17 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I would think she is trying herself to figure out where she belongs, ie what part she plays in the relationship with you and her dad. I would offer an invitation just so she knows she is welcome, even if she doesn't go.
    Don't let her ignoring you bother you. I think that is normal.
    JoyIsAnAttitude

    Answer by JoyIsAnAttitude at 12:18 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • It sounds like she's obviously uncomfortable with you and/or your relationship with her father. I think that as long as she is given plenty of opportunity to say "no," or you think she feels she CAN say "no" without causing an issue with anyone, I don't think it works against you to invite her. You really should discuss this with your partner.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 12:13 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

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