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I have no feelings towards my partner's teenage daughter. Will they develop ?

She has been very rude and cheeky, to my partner in front of me and their relations. She ignores me alot.
She's rude also to her mom's partner.
To everyone else in our company she goes out of her way to be pleasant, which shows up moreso when she is being unpleasant to us.

She has also been caught underage drinking, once when 14, twice when 15.

She's 16 now, when will she mature ?

I'm really struggling to warm to her.
Will I ever have nice feelings towards her ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:50 PM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • She's 16. She's not the person now that she'll be in 10 years. Hopefully, she'll eventually be someone you like.

    Answer by SWasson at 12:52 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Hopefully with age comes maturity

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:53 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • When her brain fully develops between ages 21-25.

    Answer by gemgem at 1:01 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • ~*Hugs*~... only if both of you try and build a relationship... and sorry but she sounds "two faced"... GL and hugs your way

    Might be a case of "too little too late" and just riding out until she's 18 and the real world either chews her up or shapes her up? Maybe real life expiriences will help things later in life? But if you are the same one that posted you'd been with her father 2 years now... don't expect much to get better if she's been like this, this long

    Answer by MommaClark3 at 1:02 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Yes, thats me, same post.
    We've tried to include her in things.
    I find it really draining and exhausting though when talking to the wall !
    Sometimes I'm physically sick after spending time with her, from the stress.
    I think I need space, and to cherry pick my interactions with her. Am sure she would be happy with that too. But my partner not happy with that. He sees me as her family, and wants me to see her that way.
    I don't want to end it, but I said if he wants more from me that I can't and that he free to walk away.
    He doesn't want to end it, which is encouraging.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:13 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I agree with the idea that with age comes maturity; however, right now that isn't helping you too much. IMHO she is trying to get a reaction from you guys. Ignore her antics. That's most likely what she is after - a reaction of some sort. Your partner needs to realize that things are not going to improve with the forced interaction; on the contrary - they will go south quickly. You both need time to adjust to the whole "family dynamic" and he needs to respect that.. You may or may not develop feelings for her; that's just human nature. Don't beat yourself up about happens. Be civil and courteous and move on. I've been there - I know how hard it is. You can't force it...

    Answer by BryRon at 1:37 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I also think group holidays are not doable when she's like this with me.
    My holidays are precious, and I'm not going to be stressed out and miserable on them.
    I've encouraged him to have separate holidays and he doesn't want to. His choice to not do holidays for them either.
    He told her that we were doing our own holidays, and that she can be with her friends.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:51 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • hun i have a sis inlaw that has the same thing your going through just not the same age hers is 9. she steals an tells lies dont liston, she told people that her step mom was hurtting her in the morings she said that her step mom would kick he out of the house an she would fend for her self till her dad got home. an steal her step moms kids stuff. she would go into strangers houses an spend time with them. she is very wird we all dont understand it an dont know what to do to help her with this girl she has never had a girl she has 3 boys. an all ways wanted a girl an i think now shes is fine dealing with the boys. so im not sure what to do i would talk to your hunny an see what u guys can do together to help an have they other 2 parents on the same page so it all gets worked out. hope this helps good luck

    Answer by BOOKER123ABC at 9:18 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • It sounds to me like she needs more discipline. Is she being punished at all for being a brat to you? Get together with her mom and other step-parent. Even if you dont like them personally agree to make a plan together based on the fact that you all love this girl. She needs consistant rules and consequences concerning her behavior and respect for authority. You cant just assume that she will grow out of it if she isnt forced to.
    Also, try building a positive relationship with her. Take her out to the beach, offer to help her get her drivers permit or help her find a job. Try to give her more adult choices and see if she becomes more adult that way. Im sure her parents splittinbg has made things feel unstable. She may not really trust any of you to be there for her. That might be why she is avoiding any real relationships with you.

    Answer by amber710 at 3:53 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • She does get disciplined for ignoring us/him/me. She has got better but its still exhausting to talk to the someone who does not interact back, or give eye contact.
    Its early days for taking her out on my own, because she doesnt converse with me would be too awkward. Instead, as she loves texting, I send her the odd text to have her and me "chat" at times without the face to face.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:27 PM on Jul. 15, 2011

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