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Been with my BF for 2 years now (a little over).... when we first started dating, he was everything i wanted; a good man, respectable morals, etc. he wasnt rich, but he wasnt poor/in debt (minus student loans-- we're early to mid 20's)... but now? he is in debt. not just to me ($600), but his parents and grandmother. I think he paid off all his friends. he's barely making it by as it is and he has a semi-good job (he didnt graduate so he doesnt have a degree, but he makes $10/hr)... but he rarely has enough gas (asks me at least every other week), doesnt have a cell or home phone, just finally got the internet back on. i am somewhat understanding b/c i see the bills that he has to pay, but at the same time, i'm not looking at him as a boyfriend- a future husband... i'm looking at him like a son. DS asks for money whenever he wants/needs something... same with this 25 year old man.

Majority of the time, i dont mind it... even though we arent married, i like to view relationships as husband/wife... i'll help him when i can and he'd do the same for me... but damn! i just feel instead of giving him $xxx a month, it could be going towards DS, or the bank.. but since i'm not really struggling much (my income is $1,000 and my bills are less than half that), do i have the right to complain about it? whatever isnt bill/gas money (minus $50 for me and DS for whatever we want), the rest goes in the bank.

i do know my views on this relationship needs to change back to bf/gf and not husband and wife-- i mean, we dont even live together! lol

i just dont even know what to do to look at him like a man now, instead of a child. =( i KNOW what he's capable of- so i feel like i'm judging him based on finances which i dont want to, but how can i look at him like a man!?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • You're enabling him... "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie.

    Answer by Happypancake at 1:54 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I would not be with a man who wasn't responsible with money or couldn't make his own bills. When I was a single mom, that was even more true - every penny I made went to support my kids and me, or it went into savings for an emergency. If he can't straighten out his finances, I wouldn't be able to stay in that relationship.

    Answer by missanc at 1:55 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • This is not a relationship of equals anymore. Because of his lack of financial responsibility he has turned y'all's relationship into a parent-child where you're the parent. That kind of relationship is not healthy at all.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 1:56 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Tell him to grow up! Stop giving him money.

    Answer by momavanessa at 1:58 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • if tempoaray situation, could understand, but this sounds more than a situation that came up, sounds like he excepts you to dool it out to him, taking you for granted
    have you ever said "no"??
    try it see what happens
    also, give no reason to the no, see what he says
    if he just says, ok, thanks for the other times
    he if asks you why, you say you are short also this mobnth, and he continues to try to talk you into giving him money

    his answer to a simple "no, i can not afford to lead right now"= this answer of his will speak volumes

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:58 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • You are not judging by fincances alone, you are judging by how he handles his finances, which is very important when choosing a spouse.

    Answer by Candi1024 at 2:00 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Just stop giving him money. Put all of your extra cash into a savings account instead of giving it to him. When he asks for money just tell him you dont have enough to share, or you only have enough for your bills and your son. Cut him off. That way you can still be with htis guy you really like but you can stop seeing him as someone that you support. You shouldnt be supporting him. You should be putting that extra money into a college fund for your son or into savings to buy a new car or something worth it. You are working for that cash!!!

    Answer by amber710 at 4:15 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

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