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why???please help?

ok so my SO and I hace been 2gether for 5 years. were engaged and have a 6 mo old. he works and i SAH. i understand he works alot but it seems like now he never wants to be here with us. im young and none of my friends have kids so they dont have time for me anymore. i spend all my time taking care of our daughter and even when hesoff i do most of the parenting which is fine b/c i luv her more than anythin in this world. but now when he is off he always leaves to spend time with his friends. which means i am here alone. i try to tell him buut he ignores me, but then healways complains shes sleeping when he is home...idk what to do???? please help

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:09 PM on Dec. 14, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • oh and he always says when he goes out that since he went out alone i get a night out with the girls (when they call and ask me) but i never end up getting it. he always complains that i spend too much money so i never even ask for my night because i feel guilty....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • He probably thinks taking care of a baby is boring. Find something interesting to do together, not just watch tv or whatever.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • First, please don't let him guilt you into not taking time to be with your friends. Let him have some time alone with your baby (it'll do you both some good).

    Second, since money seems to be an issue then make a ledger of expenses, be sure you note how much money is spent on you, on him and on your baby as well as household expenses so you both can be aware just how much is spent where.

    Finally, do you have someone who could watch the baby for a few hours so you can go to dinner with your SO? Grandparents usually jump at a chance like that.

    Good luck!
    indigostone

    Answer by indigostone at 8:27 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Sounds to me like you guys are too young to be this serious. He probably wasn't ready to be a Dad and spouse. He probably didn't have time in his life to get the going out with friends thing out of his system. By the way you type...it seems you're young. 2gether, luv??? Sounds like my 16 yr. old cousins.

    Navymama

    Answer by Navymama at 8:27 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • im 21 hes 22. i was holding my daughter when i was typing lol, its easier to be short and sweet, she kept trying to get the keys! and as for grandparents yes but he never wants to do anything just us 2....its either sit here or go out with his friends.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:35 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • no matter how old you guys are, you both need to put your big boy and girl underwear on and face the fact that you now have a child of your own to raise...i'm a young mom myself...my son is 18 mos and i just turned 21. my DH used to do the same thing to me...until finally, it got to the point where he would go out and not say a thing to me so i ended up giving him a taste of his own medicine...

    he got the picture and after all the bullshit that we've been through we're still together and he's a wonderful father now...
    Jeanine

    Answer by Jeanine at 8:39 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • how should i give him a taste of his own medicine....it doesnt seem to bother him when i say im going to go out an dleave him here all alone
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I completely understand the typing thing with a kid on your lap. I think maybe he is just tyring to get the going out thing out of his system like navymama said. Tell him you understand that and would enjoy it if once in a while you two could go on a date. If you guys never do anything together....I honestly don't see your marriage working, so I wouldn't waste my time marrying him. If he doesn't want to spend time with you now why would he then.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • What do you do the first thing when he walks in the front door? Do you run to him and dote on him? Or do you immediately hand over the baby? I ask because maybe he feels like you don't really want to spend time with him, you just want him to come home and help you out. Which is understandable, when you are home alone all day with just a baby, you get TIRED! But he's tired too and needs a break, I'm guessing that is why he takes off to spend time with friends. When he comes home, meet him at the door, w/o the baby & hug and kiss him. Have dinner ready and also put on a little make up and get dressed, no sweats. He'll feel so special and respected that he'll want to stay home. When guys are given unconditional respect, they tend to return it with unconditional love. Check out this book, it explains this stuff well. It's called Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Let me know if you get it and how you liked it.
    feesharose

    Answer by feesharose at 8:55 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • i would be already to go out,, when he walked in the door from work ,, hand him the baby and say i'm goig out with the girls numbers on the fridge where i'l be,, she ate but might need changed,, see ya in a little while,,, kiss him on the cheek and walk out the door and don't look back,,,,,, just my opinion...lol lol
    boyer94

    Answer by boyer94 at 9:32 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

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