Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Okay ladies I need your advice

Okay so I have been married to my husband for 11 years. The entire time I have been completely faithful, loving and supportive. I also have a medical problem that has presented some problems, and therefore I have been a housewife for almost the entire 11 years. So, here is my problem the whole time we have been together he has drank almost every night (I can't drink I am allergic), he has never lifted a finger around the house (not even gotten up to get his own drink), and most recently I broke my foot and since then he has wanted me to make stuffed bellpeppers, beef whellington, and enchiladas, among other things for supper. He has not offered to help me with any of this or anything. He also refuses to help me with our two children, I do all the disipline, the fun things, and the messy things all by myself. Recently I was conntact by an old flame I have been in love with for many many years, and just the other day I found out he felt the same way about me. So what would you do?!? Should I stay or should I go????

Answer Question
 
ceemeefeemee

Asked by ceemeefeemee at 2:42 PM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Relationships

Level 8 (221 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • The reason your husband acts that way is because you let him all those years. After 11 years of fetching his beer and slaving over your home and dinner by yourself you decide to change things? Good luck because men are creatures of habit and it sounds like he has had it good for 11 years and you want to break him of his habits overnight. I wouldn't contact this old flame if you value your currne t relationship. If you truely want to be with this other man make sure you break it off with your husband first and give it some time to heal otherwise you won't be any good in the new realtionship. Good Luck.
    Bugzmomma

    Answer by Bugzmomma at 2:49 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • i think you should try counseling first...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:49 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • what makes you think your old flame is willing to support you and two kids... not being rude or trying to say you shouldn't leave, but quite frankly it's not just you, but you and kids... and you need to think logically about this not just with your heart.. if you leave and things don't work out with him you will be a single mother of two with no way to support your kids... unless your planning on walking away without you kids which is an option but the not the best solution if things are the way you say and you do everything with the kids leaving them behind would be very detrimental to them..

    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 2:53 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Time to have a talk with hubby and let him know you are not happy, and that if he wants to stay married things have to change! I would tell him that we BOTH created the children so we BOTH are responsible for parenting/raising them. we BOTH live in the house, we BOTH are responsible for keeping it clean. Also tell him I am NOT your maid, NOT your servant and NOT your mommy.... so if you want something get up and get it yourself, and pick up after yourself. You should also tell him that you are injured, and it hurts to stand, so either he eat whatever easy-fix meals you make, OR he help out and he cook (or he pick up take-away and bring it home for the family). I also think counseling would be a very good idea. IF he refuses to help, refuses to parent, and refuses counseling, then I would suggest getting a divorce. Then when the divorce is final, meet up with the other guy and take it slow, see where it goes.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 3:01 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Yes I know it is my fault he is like that. Ya'll are all right, when we first met I thought I was going to be this perfect little wife and do everything for him and all that good stuff. I am also not planning on just going back to this other person, I actually have a plan to finish getting my degree in order to support myself and my children. Also even if I do start seeing this other guy, it will only be when my children are not around or asleep, as not to confuse or overwhelm them. I do have some sence of responsibility after all. What I wanted to know is would ya;ll stay for the rest of the children's childhood until they're 18 or would you go?!?
    ceemeefeemee

    Comment by ceemeefeemee (original poster) at 9:03 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • And also we have done the whole talking thing year after year, and of course nothing changes.............in fact I thing they have gotten worse..........
    ceemeefeemee

    Comment by ceemeefeemee (original poster) at 9:04 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Don't fuel something else before you work on the fire in front of you. Deal with the relationship you're in - in whatever manner it needs. Then worry about the other guy someday when you're settled and can handle it, and so can your kids. Now is not the time.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:22 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • And also we have done the whole talking thing year after year, and of course nothing changes.............in fact I thing they have gotten worse..........
    ********
    Well if talking has not worked, and he is not willing to do his fair share, then I would be calling a divorce lawyer and finding out what my rights are, and start getting my things in order and once I have everything in order and my 'game plan' set, I would tell him it is over and end the marriage. I would not 'stay for the kids' - (my parents did that- it was miserable and the kids could tell that things were not right). You and the kids deserve to be happy and not have to put up with his crap and stress.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:13 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • separate from your husband if you feel he is a lazy good for nothing person. and if you think you have tried everything to make it work and he wont' change then leave. but i wouldn't start anything too soon, try and enjoy the single life for awhile. that man is really a rebound guy. your pissed that your husband isn't helping and you are looking for another solution. either you leave with the kids or ask him to leave since he won't be a man or husband or father to you guys.
    lucky35

    Answer by lucky35 at 3:00 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN