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How do you deal with your child in a situation like this?

My 10 year old dd was talking to a friend at church today, this girl is a year younger than mine and talks with a lisp and kinda babylike. Anyway they were talking about what grades they were in and my dd said something like you can't be in such and such a grade, you can't even talk yet.

I was humiliated that she would say such a thing. The young girl didn't seem offended and said she took therapy for it and they remained to talk friendly afterwards, my dd did say she was just joking to the girl, but I don't know how to get her to realize she needs to think about how what she says could effect the other person.

She really likes this girl, and I really don't think she wanted to hurt her feelings, I think she was trying to be funny and then realized what she had done, when I called her name.

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Asked by Anonymous at 9:00 PM on Dec. 14, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (6)
  • i would let her know she should think about what she says before she says it,,, i don't think it is a big problem though the other girl didn't seem to be upset... plus she did realize what she said wasn't nice... tricky one,, cause someday if she does it to someone else that is not so forgiving, she could really hurt someones feelings...

    Answer by boyer94 at 9:10 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • Yikes! Just remember - she is a child, and is still learning. Even adults put their feet in their mouths occasionally. Sounds like she knew it was the wrong thing to say.
    My DD once told a friend who put an arm around her, "Whew! You need deodorant!" Which was true, but embarrassing.

    Answer by 3gymnastsmom at 9:29 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I'd let it slide. She realized what she did was wrong and will likely be more careful in the future. I'd just remind her that words hurt, and to think before she speaks.

    Answer by drowninginboys at 11:07 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I would just stay out of it and then talk to your DD after wards. If the girl is okay with talking about the fact that she has therapy then she is used to being in situation like that and realizes that your DD did not mean to hurt her feelings. Your DD also realized that she had made a mistake and both girls seem to be okay.

    Sometimes kids just say what they are thinking and feeling with out really thinking about it. If you really want to talk to you DD about this I would start by asking her what she learned about the girl. I would let her talk and explain what she knows.

    Don't worry and Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:28 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I think just speaking to her will be enough. As you said she realized it herself. Has she done this before, realize it and then did it again. If not, I wouldn't worry too much. I'm an adult and made a terrible mistake one day by congratulating an old friend I ran into for being she replied, I'm just fat. Well didn't I learn fast. Never again did I assume anyone was pregnant. No matter how obvious it was. SMILE I think she'll be okay. She doesn't sound like a mean spirited person.

    Answer by Zina4 at 7:18 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I think your daughter realized her 'goof'.And as long as you let her know that sometimes,words can hurt,even when u don't mean to,she will be fine...good job,mama. honestly sounds like the other girl was used to it,and knew how to respond without bitterness.Relax,and admire the great daughter it sounds like you have.

    Answer by starrsun at 11:05 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

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