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Am I being crazy?

I am curious about this ladies; so could use your opinion. A friend of mine...not a very close friend;but a friend I've known about a year was interested in dating a new guy so I was trying to be a good friend and told her possibly my husband could hook her up with someone. I have just been married for a month;so that's how the topic even came up. He's military and I remember her saying she was interested in military men...okay; I guess that's her "type" as she calls it so I was just being nice about telling her maybe he knew someone he could set her up with.Anyhow, I never thought much about it until she asked one day should she add him on facebook. Many of my friends are friends with him on facebook & I completely trust him so I said okay..even though she has a history of being very competitive w/others men I've heard; but I try not to judge anyone. Anyhow, the next night I went out with her for drinks & she pulls over her phone and says "look at the message he wrote me." OK. My heart kind of sank because I didn't know she'd be sending him messages...they were basic, like her saying "I heard u were the matchmaker" and him just asking "who said that?" and "whats ur type?" I immediatly told him I was uncomfortable with that,so he removed her as a friend there and that was the end of it. Was I being too crazy by not feeling okay with them sending messages? Of course I dont mind him having girls on there, im not that insecure; but I just dont feel okay with them sending messages;just as if I wouldnt want women texting him...especailly since he is deployed...unless it was strictly work related or such. Am I being too jealous? I don't think it is jealousy; I think I just don't want her disrespecting me. I mentioned it to her; and she said "Oh,it was just about the match making." I just felt she should go through me;as a married woman,rather than my husband who she doesn't even know and so on. Esp. since me and her aren't close or anything where i'd even really trust her much...there was even a time when another friend of ours was close with a guy and she accepted his dinner offer right in front of her;not caring if perhaps our friend liked the guy or not...she basically just violates friend codes I thought. Then,the next few days go by and I asked her if she'd like to go to an upcoming event;she said sure,then mentioned "maybe it was a good idea he deleted me." So obviously she was checking his page or telling. I just think she didnt take our relationship seriously by doing this. We got married at a court house and are going to plan a real wedding when hes back from deployment and she was also supposed to be a bridesmaid...your opinion,please.


Asked by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • I can see why it bothered you, I would have felt the same way if that happened to me, I can't even rationalize why, it would just have rubbed me the wrong way, you're not crazy, just human.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • well, my opinion is this. she was upfront with you and asked your permission for her to add him on facebook....she was upfront and even initiated sharing with you the messages they were sending (all pertaining to the specific topic you knew about...the topic that you brought up and volunteered your hubby for)....i'm not really sure what the advantage of her adding him to her facebook would be if they're not allowed to send messages. what would be the point? imo you are overreacting and if you didn't feel comfortable with her talking to hubby on facebook i'm not sure why you would give her permission to add him in the first place.


    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:39 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • not over a topic such as dating....

    well isn't that what you volunteered your husband to do?? find a date for her?? how could he do that without communicating with her?? if you wanted to find her a date i'm not sure why you brought hubby into it if you didn't trust her or him.


    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:46 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Well, you offered for your husband to set her up and she asked you about friending him on FB and you said ok. Why you would be upset when they actually communicated really doesn't make sense. If you didn't want them communicating you should have left him out of her life altogether.

    Answer by MrsMWF at 8:46 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • The girl sounded like trouble, I would have done the same!

    Answer by mommy2mykidz at 8:38 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Well I have guys on my facebook; from high school and such...but since I'm married none send messages or anything of that sort...esp. not over a topic such as dating...

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:42 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I just don't understand why you would even volunteer his "matchmaking" services if he's deployed???? It's not like you guys can go on a double date with her and who he sets her up with????....
    Plus, what other way would he help her find a man if he's away.....? I don't get it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:43 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I was not necessarily meaning right now we would hook her up with someone; but he does have friends that he keeps in contact with who are not deployed;and they do get 2 week breaks and such. I was totally casual about the thing; and not meaning right this second, or he could have even known someone from facebook or something he couldve referred...I really did not think too much about it. She understands the military life and he also possibly couldve known someone not deployed he could mention to her. Me and him talk throughout the day ,everyday luckilly so it's not like I hear from him once a month or once a week like some deployments.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:47 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I do trust him. I also trusted her to respect me by not going to send him messages. I thought she was adding him just to see who I was married to or to all be friends and such; not necessarily to send him messages. I do see everyones point; it was just a simple opinion post. I like hearing other womens opinions on this. Some of my friends were thinking she sounded sneaky and some were very neutral about it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:48 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • He has had women on his facebook and it has never been a problem; I just never have sent a guy in a relationship a private message. I don't mind adding them on facebook but I just felt private messaging was a bit much but thank u ladies so much for your opinion. I totally see both sides

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:50 PM on Jun. 28, 2011