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3 Bumps

20 somethings living at home..

We have a trailer that our 25 year old daughter is living in. We laid down rules before she moved in and told her that there was never to be a guy staying with her and we gave her the rules of having no drugs or alcohol in the home either. Her boyfriend is now living with her in our home! Yes, we have talked to her about this but she says that they are going to get married very soon. This has been told us for the past year and I don't know what to do because whenever I broach the subject she gets angry and once she even threatened that if I made her move out that I would never see her again. We did not raise her this way and i suspect drugs might be involved but she says no. HELP

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mamamia578

Asked by mamamia578 at 8:42 PM on Jun. 28, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 3 (21 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Put your foot down. By letting her stay there, you are enabling her behavior. You have to use tough love sometimes to make her see what is right. Now if she really is marrying the guy, and he's a really great person and you don't think drugs are involved, that would be a different story. But if you see signs that may implicate drugs, I would first talk to her about it, and second let her know she has a set amount of time to find a new place and move out. She is plenty old enough to take that responsibility. Good luck.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 8:46 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • i dont know what to say hun u can get one person evicted from the houseing but then u gota give him 30 days to get off the property so he could destroy it. im thinking worst case. maybe u can talk to someone or sence u r the land lord put up some hinden camras but none in the bathrrom an see whats going on their. or talk to someone that might be able to help your daughter cuz shes not fallowing your rules.
    BOOKER123ABC

    Answer by BOOKER123ABC at 8:47 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Is she paying any rent? If so, depending on your state laws, it may be tricky. She could be considered a tenant since she is living in a separate living structure from you.

    JeremysMom

    Answer by JeremysMom at 8:48 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Even if she marries him she is going to do what she wants. I have a similar situation in which I have a trailer on my property that my oldest was going to move into. I laid down some rules and she told my other daughter that once she moves in she is going to do what she wants. She won't be moving in. I'm going to rent it out. I would suggest telling her that either she follows the rules and she will be signing a lease that you will be putting in no drugs, men, etc. and if she refuses to sign the lease or breaks the rules of the lease, she will be evicted. She's telling you that you won't see her again because she knows she can run over you. It's just a threat, she will get over it, especially once she realizes it will cost her a heck of a lot more to live somewhere else. You have to let her know you are the boss or she'll do what she wants there.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 8:52 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • ur the momma lay down the line and keep it there!!!!
    Aleighasmom09

    Answer by Aleighasmom09 at 8:56 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • I so need to hear this. I don't know how on earth I could have gotten myself into this mess. I keep thinking to myself she is running over me about the threats I won't see her again. That's got to be it like the poster said. Another thing, do you all have any problems with your adult daughter giving you the silent treatment if you hit them with the truth? I forgot to mention...I have THAT problem too. Thanks for all the replies. Keep them coming
    mamamia578

    Comment by mamamia578 (original poster) at 9:23 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • Have her sign a lease like the other poster said.
    SeasideNative

    Answer by SeasideNative at 9:25 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • If she is paying rent, I would feel you are overstepping your bounds and interfering in her adult life. If she is living there rent free, and that is the agreement she made, hold her to it, but know that she is not going to like that leverage for her entire life and eventually she IS going to want to meet someone and settle down and get married. The drugs are no good, but I think that living with your partner is very normal...and she is 25 years old.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:33 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • She's 25!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loosen the GD strings, will ya?!??!?! Let her live her life!!! WTF???
    SAMNMAYASMOM

    Answer by SAMNMAYASMOM at 9:44 PM on Jun. 28, 2011

  • We were fortunate enough to purchase a 2nd home across the street from our house and we have our 20, 23 and 24yo sons living in it (4 bedrooms, 3 baths, 2 living areas, a kitchen/dining room and a fully finished basement). They don't pay rent (we paid for it cash up front) but they do split the utilities & buy their own groceries. They have no rules....they are all adults and are permitted to live as such. They can have their girlfriends over, they can drink, they can stay up all night, they can have friends over...we don't care. It's not our business. The only thing I can see you want to accomplish by having so many rules is that you want to control your adult daughter and personally, if I were your daughter, I'd move out and find my own space where I could actually live my life without rules. That's why we bought a house for our sons....we can still provide for them to some extent and they can have freedom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

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