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4 Bumps

I am really feeling upset with myself. My mom wants to move in with me and my husband in our home.

My father passed away 3 months ago and the bills in her condo are too much for her to handle. So we are waiting for some paperwork to come in the meantime, my older brother is making off color remarks about if my husband has talked to my mom in person about this and if he is making an extension for my mom and her furniture. I hate this. My brother is the biggest drama queen and his wife is so jealous of us. They are still renovating their home almost two years and the wife thinks about going to Europe and gambling in Atlantic CIty . Also she is a shopholic and wants to be in my business now becasue of my mom. I do not work and it is better for my mom if she stays with us. We are more stable and not as fickle with running around just wasting money and at least she will pay someone to stay with her not make her be alone all day while thaty are at work .In the meantime I am worried. I have to take her to the doctor appointments and the phone rings 24/7 for her and my brother gets mad if I don't pick up. I like to be laid back and not have to worry so much help.......


Asked by Anonymous at 8:00 AM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • This is an easy one. Your brother is an ASS. As such, his opinion is utterly unimportant. IGNORE HIM. Let him say what the hell he wants... it matters not to you. The import/export ratios of Brazil have more meaning to you than your stupid brother's pronouncements. If you can remember that, you'll learn to let things roll off your back.

    Answer by gdiamante at 1:13 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Tell your brother to back off unless he wants to contribute financially toward taking care of your mom. Don't feel bad about blocking his number temporarily. Just because people call, it doesn't mean you have to pick up or even call them back right away. You need to set boundaries right away

    Answer by hellokittykat at 8:07 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • First of all, I am very sorry for your loss! On top of trying to deal w/ your own grief, you are getting unncessary pressure from your bro & sil. Turn off the phone, & let the machine get it. You are also dealing w/ your mom moving in, & her own grief & financial troubles. That is an awful lot to take on & I commend you for it. Somehow we do find the strength to get thru difficult times. If it's taking a long, relaxing bubble bath, a walk after dinner, journaling, etc. Do whatever it is YOU need to do for yourself. *Hugs*

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 8:06 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • but that's what I am saying.. you don't HAVE to do anything.. you can say NO.. it is hard to say but really you can do it. and you should. OR you can send out invites with what to bring to a potluck holiday meal.
    I think by gaining some control in the situation you will feel better.. I like what the other poster put -- have your mom find a friend in a similar situation to see if that would work best for her and you.. that way she can remain independent. I don't know how old your mom is or medical situation but that would allow her a lot of freedom and you the opportunity to change things so when it does NEED to happen it can.. just a thought. sorry you're being used by your family...

    Answer by Camilletnt at 8:15 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Maybe she can get a roommate for now to help offset the bills. A friend of hers that is in a similar situation or something and they can be there for each other.

    Answer by slw123 at 8:05 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • My mom almost moved in with me and it would have been a disaster!! So, first congrats on making it work with her in the home.. that is not an easy transition.
    You can opt to NOT answer the phone and to ignore the pettiness. That is really the only solution you have at this point. If your brother wants to take on more responsibility and you'd rather not I don't really see an issue with letting her move in with them outside if you are trying to gain something from her being there. I imagine as her son he would want the best for her - even if his situation is different it does not mean it is bad or wrong it is just different... and really who are you to decide where they spend their money?? As long as mom is being cared for that should be paramount.. don't worry about what he does with this or that. And if he isn't doing it for the right reason be ready to move her back into your home.. that would eliminate the drama a little..

    Answer by Camilletnt at 8:08 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • My mom relays messages about them. Their house is not anywhere done and they can not entertain at holiadyas so we get stuck doing it every years ant every holiday while they waste money . I honestly do not care but I do not want to be Marhta Stewart because I have doen this for too many years. I am not working and guess what I am done . It is just ridiculous how thye want to shop and try to act rich and I have to feed them every holiday and I hate it........

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:11 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • sorry typos, I don't have my contacts in... sorry.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:12 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I found myself doing the same thing 26 years ago, there was no talk about it, she would become part of our household without a doubt. It has been stressful specially now that she is 92 years old and needs my care a lot more, but she has been a blessing in every way. She took care of me when I needed it and now it is my turn regardless of whether my brother could do the same or not. She felt more at home with us so this is where she would stay. It is none of my business how my sibling and his family wants to do with their money or lack of, what counts is mothers welfare period.

    Answer by older at 8:17 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Remember, your mom is an Adult. She will decide who to stay with or not stay with on her own. But if she does come stay witth you, get her a cell phone and tell her all her calls go to that.

    Answer by louise2 at 8:17 AM on Jun. 29, 2011