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How can I get my daughter to stop telling my ex-husband what's happening in my home?

My custody court date is in early Jan. My daughter has weekend visitations with her dad. She comes home telling me that he's telling her that she has to go to the judge's chambers & choose where she wants to live. He drills her on what goes on in my home & threatens her with a whoopin if she doesn't tell him. He's using her for "dirt", it seems, for our final court date. She tells him what he wants to know. HELP!!! How do I change this without feeling like we're undercover in my own home?

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Asked by LOSBDucky at 11:15 PM on Dec. 14, 2008 in General Parenting

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Answers (4)
  • I dont think you should worry unless you have something to hide.. AND IF he is doin these things you need to speak up to your Lawyer because that is not right to scare the child into getting dirt. he is just sooo wrong for doing that.


    Answer by ryanlynn at 11:19 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • To sound a bit lawyer-y I'd redirect the witness. She's a child feeling torn between 2 parents and the threat of a whoopin' doesn't make it easy for her. I would simply tell her that when she goes into the judge's chambers be completely truthful. If she's upset about her father's constant badgering I would confront him about the issue (diplomatically) and insist that he stop because of the effect that it is having on your daughter. You can also tell your daughter that she doesn't have to tell him anything she doesn't want to about your life. She's only required to tell him what's going on with her. I'd also keep these things in mind for your court date because his treating your girl like a witness is not healthy.

    Answer by micrespo at 11:22 PM on Dec. 14, 2008

  • I agree with the first poster, if you dont' have anything to hide, you shouldn't have anything to worry about. Since you are upset, it sounds like you're up to something that maybe you shouldn't be. My step daughter used to tell her dad and me (voluntarily) about men who "spent the night with mommy". I am sure that pissed her off cause she would deny it when confronted, but with a 3 or 4 year old standing there saying, "yuhuu he did spend the night," it's a little hard to deny. She has also flat out told her to lie to her dad. You'll forever be under the spotlight so I guess you'll have to deal with it. We do ask her things but haven't threatened her if she didn't tell. She has just always told on her mom. We don't constantly watch her mom, but we do want to know what environment our daughter is being subjected to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:37 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • My ex did the same thing with my girls. If you are giving your daughter a stable, healthy environment its no one business if you have a BF Stay the night. Or what goes on in your home! Asking a child about their other home is putting them in a awful place which is harmful to the child.

    I would contact your lawyer ask what to do about the constant badgering she is getting from the father.

    My girls always told their father and step mom who was always asking what and who came to visit to the house "Nothing and no one but if you like go visit or start paying mom's bills and then you will know!"



    Answer by myzero at 3:48 AM on Dec. 19, 2008

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