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4 Bumps

What have I become in the past 6 months?

First off let me say that me and dh had a great loving relationship. Both had great paying jobs and was raising our son together. While pregnant with our 2nd child dh kept pushing me to go back to school(since he had finish school). He assured me that we can make it with his job. I agreed to do. I had my dd started school and now I am wondering where the hell the old me is at. I use to be independent and take charge type of woman. Now I am nothing. No, job, no life, nothing. Me and dh is not talking anymore, the only time I go out in public is when it is time go grocery shopping. Dh is a great provider and a wonderful dad but I come to realize he is controlling my life. I know have to ask for money and bring him the receipt and change. He takes my car and drives all the gas out of it so I can't go anywhere. Never hit me or talked down to me, I can't explain it. By the way we are living comfortably. Some may say quit school but I need this education so I can get a good job. I am seriously thinking about leaving him after I graduate. Counseling is not going to help because he the type that thinks that we don't have a problem. And he believe he is always right in situations. I don't know what I am trying to ask you guys. I am just lost......... Can you guys give me some word of encouragement or wisdom?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Counseling may be good for you. Have you even bothered to talk to him about all of this?
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 10:09 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • aww honey im so sorry you are going through this.
    If you arent happy with him and dont think that he will change then maybe it is best for you to leave. You dont want your children growing up seeing how he controls you, then they will grow up thinking that is ok and then most likely be the same way when they are older and in a realtionship. Men never think that they are at fault about anything, i know first hand. My husband is the same way. He wont go to counceling. I think that counceling is great for any realtionship. If i were you i would finish going to school and get a good education and see if he is still this way after you graduate.
    Have you thought about bringing it up to him that you feel like he is being very controlling and you really dont like it? I have no problem confronting my husband if i feel he is doing something i dont agree with. I hope you feel the same.
    Amberlovesher3

    Answer by Amberlovesher3 at 10:08 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It sounds to me like you are being financially abused. A receipt and change for gas? What does he think you're going to spend the money on and why does he need to control it so much? I don't know how you two do your bookkeeping but that seems a bit controlling. You need to make an effort to assert your independence. Maybe a part time job babysitting or something where you can have a little bit of your own.
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 10:08 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I have always had a job since I was in high school. Me and dh has been together for 11 yrs next month and since quitting my job everything has change. he changed and I guess I have too. So I know some people would ask if I rushed into things with him and the answer is no. I love him to death and I know he loves me. But I can't get through to him of how I feel and what his actions are doing to me. For example, Ds got sick one day while dh was at work. Temp was getting high and we was out of Tylenol. i went online to see how much we had in the bank and there was nothing in there. So I had no gas in the car or no way to pay for meds. I called and ask dh what was going on and he told me he took the money out and put it away so I wouldn't spend it on unnecessary things. I don't remember the last time I brought something for myself. he do stuff like this.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:09 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • we'll..maybe he just wants you to feel as good as he did when he finished school believe me that is a "BIG" accomplishment these days half the society cant afford school I know I couldnt go after hs money was too important at that time. He wants you to feel the way he did and doesn't want you to think of yourself of nothing...like you are now. Maybe asserting yourself more in the household like having talk time and telling him of your feelings you have been feeling. I just think that you are blessed to have a husband like that in your life that hasn't mentally or emotionally or physically abused you. Which your relationship has been great.. you haven't lost yourself you are pregnant missy ur pregnant.. I wouldnt go assume that ur hubby isnt going to listen..talk to him b4 u make a decision u regret.. please.
    1_love_2_hearts

    Answer by 1_love_2_hearts at 10:11 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • This controlling with the money.... it never been like this before. I guess I am being taken advantage of because I am not working. We both use to sit down and do the bills(He use to just hand me the money after I tell him what need to be paid).
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:12 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I would have to wonder about the "missing money". Sounds to me like he's lying about it. If it's not in the bank, then where it it all? In the glove compartment of his car? WTH is THAT??....No, you need to finish school of course or you'll never be independent like you would like to be ..or be independent from him even. Do finish school, please. As far as the money...I'm afraid we would have to have an all out 'blow up' about why he is keeping money from me to the point that I'm stuck with no way to get anywhere in an emergency or otherwise and no money to buy a bottle of Tylenol. This is WRONG. He IS being controlling in that way....in every sense of the word. Ask him about it and don't give up until you the answer that satifies you!! Good Luck...I'm so sorry you are going through this.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 10:30 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • First of all, definitely please finish school. I did not finish school and I'm paying for it now. Secondly, I'm so sorry your dh is being controlling, doesnt he realize he is pushing you further away from him? Let him know this. I am not trying to minimize your feelings but do you think maybe you are feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything; school, marriage, children, and not having the freedom to buy when you need something? You said you have worked since high school and have been an independent person and now you are a SAHM, almost as if your feedom was taken away, ha? . Huge responsibilities come with being a SAHM and married woman, it's no longer only about you and maybe this is where you need to take a look. I'm not saying your life ends when you become a SAHM but it does change your life. Maybe you are missing a little freedom. Who said being a SAHM can't be fun? Think about it. GL
    momplus01

    Answer by momplus01 at 12:37 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

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