Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

6 Bumps

Serious help needed...

Going through a long touch divorce and we share two young boys, 3 and 5....my husband while together had very little to do with our kids. He was abusive to me and our family pet but never layed a finger on our kids other than whipping them way to often and way too hard in my opinion. I left him and he is now still trying to control my life and is putting on what I believe to be a big show for the courts that he wants his kids and custody to be 50/50 I think only out of spite because he cannot figure out any other way to hurt me anymore other than taking kids more than I want him to have them because he knows they are my entire world and everyday spent away from them feels like hell. When he does have the kids he spends alot of that time leaving them with his mother and when I offer to take them if he wants to go somewhere without them, I am told f*ck you they are on my time and I will do what I want with them. He has went as far as having me falsely arrested 2 weeks after leaving him when I came to pick the kids up and claimed I hit him in an attempt to make me look like a bad mother to get his 50/50 custody. I did not hit him. We have court coming up in 3 weeks and he is so good at lieing and munipulating and putting on fake shows i am terrified he will fool the judge and my kids are going to be spending way too much time with the dad that didn't give them any attention unless he was "diciplining" them and now is using them as pons and amo against me. My kids dont deserve this and i am beyond heartbroken and would almost preferred to have stayed with him and have my ass beat and controlled the rest of my life so that I could at least be with them everyday because if he gets what he is going for our children will grow up to be far from the gentlemen I want them to be raised as. He has told them..no women deserve respect and to never get married because they are all the same, worthless whores unless they are cleaning or cooking your meal. He has pulled his pants down and stuck his butt up against my car window while kids were in back seat and they of couse thought it was funny and now do it too and my son is to start kindergarten next year and trying my best to undo everyother day what damage he does to them and teaches them but I need help cuz between him and the court system I feel like I am fighting a battle to save my kids future with my hands tied behind my back and loosing all control just for trying to get away from him and start a new better life for me and my boys. Please all and any advice will be greatly appreciated!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:38 AM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • have you told the courts that he abused you? that will put a stop to him getting the kids in most states
    takes_a_village

    Answer by takes_a_village at 10:41 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Do you have a good lawyer? Good support system? How is his mom? Would she defend you? Gosh,I cannot even imagine what you are going through but stay strong for your boys! Don't let your husband win but be the bigger person! Document everything-dates,time,what happen etc.Take it with you to court.Good luck!!!!!!!
    Jeswife44

    Answer by Jeswife44 at 10:44 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Your situation sounds so much like mine - only my ex didn't get me arrested, but he has reported me to CPS twice since I left him (obviously both times it was unfounded). The Judge basically asked what our current arrangement was (he was getting them every other weekend) and then left it at that stating the need for the kids to have some stability. However, he does get them for 3 weeks in the summer. My kids learned real quick that what was accepted at dad's house was NOT accepted at mom's house, and as they get older they are questioning the things their dad does more and more. It's just a matter of waiting until they get old enough to figure things out for themselves - it's hard!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:45 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • get an advocate for yourself and your children.....ask the courts to send you to a mediator and they will speak with the children and both of you separately and then give the judge their recommendations at to what custody should be.....

    cara124

    Answer by cara124 at 10:46 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • ****To be a little more clear...we have been in and out of court for a yr and half and his lawyer is very good at making bad people look good and he stalls because we had temp arragment set before I could ever get to tell judge all of that, so frustrating I have had to sit in front of judge 3 times and not been able to say a thing about abuse or my children. I live in a very small county with one jusde and months and months go by before they deal with you. It took a lot for me to even stand up to him becasue after he had me arrested he told me if I didn't comply with what he wants he would plant drugs on me and take my kids away completely. so for a long time I was scared and confused what to do and have turned to many people that dont really step up to help like I think they should. And as far as his mom goes, she knew, was my BF, and now says im just a spoiled whiny brat and he never abused me. She defends him completely.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:58 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I know it is really Hard to stand up to your Abuser but, in order to get your life back & more importantly- keep your kids Safe you are going to have to Fight Harder than you Ever have in your life! you need to get a lawyer that only deals w/ Divorce & Custody; they know how to deal w/ Bullies like your husband.. you have a Right to tell your story about the Abuse that has went on- Do Not let him continue to Scare & Control you- check & see if you have Interact in your area- they are a great group that will help you w/ Abuse & Court Issues- wishing you Lots of Luck!

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 12:53 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN