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What to do about 19 yr.old living with boyfriend

she moved into her ex boyfriends 2 family house .he had own room she had room and another girl had other room. got new boyfriend and moved to his house .he has an apt in basement of parents that he shares with brother.she started doing pot with boyfriend.the parents want everyone to move out by end of summer . my daugher does not get along with her dad he is as much to blame very angry person reason why she moved out. she wants to stay with boyfriend in an apt but they can't find anything they can afford.she knows she can come home but I don't want them living together here.she is working at a summer camp and college in the fall I hope.I have been giving her money when they do work at my home. do I cut her off with money? do I let them live here so I know she is not in danger in a bad neighborhood? She knows she needs to go to college to better herself.Have sugested he stay at parent's and she move back home.Boyfriend has been paying rent since he was 18 , 21 now . need ideas on "jumpstarting her foward.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:43 AM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (8)
  • I would not let them move into my house together, but that's because I believe it's morally wrong to live together without being married. It's fine to give her money for work, but I wouldn't just give it to her. Let them get jobs and pay their own way.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:47 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I would tell her sha can move in but not him. No pot allowed.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 10:48 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • oh and set some guidelines.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 10:49 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Let her move back in with you, but not the boyfriend, and if she chooses to stay with the boyfriend you need to stop giving them money. The only money I got @ 18 when I decided to live w/a boyfriend was the money I got for graduation. My parents did help us move into an apartment, but that was it. I was going to college and working 2 jobs because I needed to pay rent, that is the choice she makes. My parents let me know that I could have easily moved w/them (they moved a few months after I moved out). I eventually did because as it turns out I was dating a complete ass.
    AF4life

    Answer by AF4life at 10:49 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • My mom did a good job with me. I moved in with my boyfriend (now husband) in our own apt but we ended up not being able to afford it. I got to move back in with my mom, and though there were no drugs or anything wrong going on, my mom did not allow my boyfriend to move in with me. We grew up, stayed together and got to know each other as 20 year olds should, and then made it work the way it was supposed to.
    Let her move home, she's gonna be mad at you when boyfriend can't move in too. She's going to guilt trip you into trying to get him to move in because "he has nowhere else to go" but tough luck. He shouldn't have been using drugs and his parents wouldn't have kicked him out. They'll figure it out and if they really want to be together, they'll make it work even if they can't sleep under the same roof.
    CassiRae3

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 10:55 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I would stick to my rules of not having the boyfriend live with her. And I would also tell her no drugs in your house and mean it. I wouldn't cut her off with money if she is actually working. It's one thing to enable her and just give it to her, but it sounds like she is trying to do things to make ends meet. This is a good thing. I don't agree with living together, this is for married couples, but she is an adult and has developed her own morals. There isn't much you can do about that. I would help her look for a place they can afford, maybe on the outskirts of town. The closer to town, the worse the neighborhood and the higher the rents. If they can travel a little to work, it will save them a bundle on rent.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 10:57 AM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • She thinks she is grown.
    so treat her that way.Let her learn from her mistakes.Invite her for dinner on sundays.And she will catch on.My daughter was 25 before she figured out she needed to keep a job.I stopped giving her money.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 3:44 PM on Jul. 3, 2011

  • I'd let her, not him. If she wants to move back in YOUR home she needs to abide by your rules so you can start off on the right foot. If your paying her and worried about the $ put some in a saving account for her until school starts. Tell her she can see her BF but no pot and she follows your rules since it is your house.You probably won't stop the pot usage when she away from the home if the BF smokes, but you may try bec she's going to school. BUT, the main thing is to let her know you are the BOSS she is just living there, and GOOD LUCK.
    MyAngel003

    Answer by MyAngel003 at 5:06 PM on Jul. 4, 2011

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