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How can you make progress with a teenage step child that has a hard time accepting his father has remarried?

 
cluemein

Asked by cluemein at 2:21 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 7 (196 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • I would make sure to love them like my own children, not take anything personally that is said or done personally because they probably have those things merely as defense mechanisms. They are probably still angry and wishing for their mom and dad to be back together secretly and see you as a hindrance to that despite the fact that this wouldn't happen. Honestly, I think that this is a situation where it is going to take a lot of time to heal for these kids... and your persistent loving them and treating them like you care. I don't reccomend just going out and buying them stuff because then they may take that as you trying to "buy them off..." Be fair, loving, and just patient.... that's the best advice that I could give you... They will eventually come around, and even if they don't... at least they will be able to look back at you as being good to them into their adult years... BOL to you!
    momof2redhedz

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 3:47 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Well there is certainly A LOT going on there! Mom going from a husband to a partner and then dad remarrying - it's a lot on a kid. They are in their teen years which is very tough because they have a lot personally going on too! You can't try and win them over, you have to just be patient and let them come to you. Like I said in my earlier post, I had a lot with mine too. I just held my ground and didnt try to overcompensate or anything. They'll eventually warm up to you, it's not your fault with everything going on.
    SweetPieMama24

    Answer by SweetPieMama24 at 2:44 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Awe sorry! That's tough! My mother was in that situation and they still do not get along and he is 21 now. As an outsider looking in, I would have told her to not worry about it too much and to continue to be the nice, wonderful, caring person she is even if he back talks her because eventually it will take too much energy for the step child to maintain that type of hate when dealing with a person who really is caring for him.
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 2:25 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • well....how is he behaving? violently? silent? depressed? my husband and i got together 3 years ago, and his other kids didnt have a problem until i became pregnant. the oldest didnt care either way, the middle daughter (she was 15 at the time) flipped out that we didnt ask for her permission (yes!), and the youngest was all about not being the baby anymore. it's tough on anyone, and it takes an adjustment. explain how the situation unfolded. was it a sudden marriage? did his mom and dad split for cheating or anything? a lot can tell how a kid is the way they are today
    SweetPieMama24

    Answer by SweetPieMama24 at 2:23 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • spoil them a little. Material things speak volumes to teens...
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:28 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It has been 13 yrs. and most of the time my step children still don't accept me. I try to be as friendly and polite as possible. Luckily they grow up and leave the nest.
    CometGirl

    Answer by CometGirl at 2:35 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • His mother cheated and I feel like they ( his sister 18 and him 16) Havent been given the tools on how to deal with the pain that was caused to them. The mother had an affair with another woman and they are still "friends". I also feel like me and my husband married to soon for these kids, I had been divorced for 6 yrs and him 1 1/2 yrs. Hide sight too soon for them. I also wonder if they have put up walls so they dont get hurt again? It just breaks my heart- I want them to feel ok with me. I dont act like there mom-they have one- just want to be there for them.
    cluemein

    Comment by cluemein (original poster) at 2:37 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

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