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What is the right age to have the sex talk with my daughter?

She is 8 yrs old and has started talking about "sex" (what she now thinks is being naked with someone.) She also said her friends asked her is mommy and daddy ever had sex together. When she told them NO! Her friend said, "They had to or you wouldn't be here." I wonder if a very high level discussion of what sex is and that it is how babies are made might be appropriate but I don't want to freak her out.

 
JERISIMS

Asked by JERISIMS at 2:46 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (17)
  • My mom explained it to me with sunflower seeds and a holed out watermelon we just finished eating lol. I was 9 and it made sense to me :)
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 2:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It shouldn't be a one time talk, but an ongoing conversation throughout her life. I would ask her if she has any questions and answer her questions, but don't go into more detail until she asks more questions.

    My DD1 is 6 and asked how babies came out when I was pregnant with DD2, and I told her. She asked if it hurt and I said yes. She didn't ask anything else.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 2:50 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It sounds like you need to step up your talk to specifics before someone else tells her. And if it comes from one of her friends, you never know how distorted it will be from the actual truth.

    It sounds like she needs to know now.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 2:51 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • If she doesn't hear it from you she's gonna hear it from her friends...sounds like she already is. Besides...you're not really going to talk about sex, you're going to talk about reproduction, which involves intercourse, but most likely won't be the focus of the conversation.

    Where does she think babies come from now?

    MY DS is 5 and he knows quite a bit about where babies come from and how a baby is formed but we haven't really talked about intercourse. I know pretty soon he's going to ask how a daddy seed gets into a mommy belly, and i'm just going to tell him.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 2:52 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • If she is talking about it, then you better get on it right away. Now is the time....
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 2:55 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • There is no right age, just the right moments. And your daughter's questions are perfect for those. She needs to get correct information and your viewpoints because she's obviously starting to get information from other sources. There are a lot of books out there for kids about sex, look at a few of those at your local library and find one that reflects your values and the information you feel your child is ready for. Make sure you leave the conversation open-ended, because it is really better to have an ongoing dialogue with your kids about sex than to just have one big sitdown and think you're done with it.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:58 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I agree with the PP. It should be ongoing. If her friends are already talking about it, I think it is past time for the talk. I would be wanting to give the talk before she gets it from her peers.

    My daughter is 5 and knows what parts are involved, and pretty much the entire process of pregnancy right down to seeing childbirth. Mine is probably on one extreme, but I think giving no discussion could be bad.

    Also, if you haven't already, a talk about bodies and periods might be in order. By 10 I had started my period and had DDs...it comes on fast mama.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 3:00 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I think that is too young for in depth, but a simple... mommies and daddies do that to make a baby, and hopefully she stops there, if not, then give another one liner and hopefully she stops asking- kids are easy to answer for. As to when to explain in detail- before she enters Jr. High or Middle school 6th grade, to set her straight on facts/myths and that's about age 11/12. :)
    2teens2LOs

    Answer by 2teens2LOs at 3:09 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Hmm. sounds like her friends already know, maybe approach their parents and ask how they had that discussion? I'm dreading that day myself.
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:49 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Usually you start giving them answers little by little. Answering precisely the question they asked and not offering more. However, she is now 8 and getting information from friends. It is time. I had this same discussion with my granddaughter in May. She is 8. Her BFF began her period just before school let out. We had had the period talk but she came in and asked me point blank "What having sex means?" I also bought her the book "The Care and Keeeping of You"
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 2:50 PM on Jun. 29, 2011