Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

I'm torn between going with my children while they visit their dad in another state or staying home...what would you do?

My work gets slow during the summer months so I was get laid off during July and August then go back in September so I get to spend the summer with my children; however my ex-husband recently moved to another state with his girlfriend and their 2 year old daughter. So our new visitation arrangement gives him our two daughters (ages 7 and 5) the entire month of July, I've never been away from my daughters for that long and I'm going to miss them terribly so I started making plans of how to distract myself which included making changes to the house, spending time with friends and family that I haven't seen much of and maybe finding a part time job to make the time go by faster but then last night I was talking to my ex and he invited me to come with the children.

For the most part I get along with my ex and his girlfriend, I've babysat many times for their daughter. Though they are currently staying with her mom since they still haven't found an apartment. While I want nothing more than to be with my children I'm hesitant to go along. For one I'd have to leave my dogs with my mom, she agreed to watch them but I know she doesn't really want to. I'd have to be a strange place which I'm not comfortable with, I wouldn't be able to do my normal routine, I wouldn't be able to get any of my original plans done. Though I do get along with my ex and his girlfriend I've spent time at their previous apartment and after awhile we all get on each other's nerves and either I end up fighting with them or they end up fighting more with each other which is probably more likely now because we'd all be staying at her mom's home which isn't very big and she will also have her other two daughters. My ex wants me to come because he works most days and thinks it would be good for his girlfriend if I can help out since there will be a total of 4 girls between 9 and 2 years old and she is 8 months pregnant.

I know I don't want to be away from my kids that long but in the end it'll be worse for them if they see me miserable and/or fighting with their dad. My past with him hasn't always been civil and when my 7 year old even suspects that her father and I are fighting she gets really upset. My ex wants me to give him an answer by tonight so he plan accordingly; he'll be here Sunday morning but is spending the day at his parents, then that night I'll be babysitting his 2 year old and he'll spend the day at my house so his daughter can visit my family and then he'll be leaving with all the kids Monday night.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:49 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • So, your ex wants you to come be a free babysitter while he's at work. Maybe I'm just cynical but that's how it sounds to me. Personally, no I would not go. You have already made plans and you probably won't be very comfortable in such close quarters.


    Answer by scout_mom at 2:55 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Gosh, I know letting your babies go is heartbreaking! I would let them go and spend time with their dad, stay home and enjoy your time too. You might just find it relaxing :)

    Answer by yesmaam at 2:57 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I would stay home. Let him be a dad. I know you will miss the girls, but they will be fine and hopefully hve a great time. Use this time to do things you normally wouldn't do with the girls around

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 2:58 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • As hard as it may be I'd let them go with their dad, especially if you all get along. You need a break momma. Go do something for yourself. Grab a couple of friends and do a getaway if you can. Have fun

    Answer by SnapIt at 3:29 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I wouldn't go.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 3:47 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Maybe go for a few days? Only if you want to of course. But that way you can still get a lot of things done but still see your girls.

    Answer by miss_lisa at 3:55 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I am currently going thourgh a divorce and will be in your boat. I just went to class and they said when it is the other parents turn it is their turn for them to be with the other parents. I have never been away from mine either. I would do things like work over time, go though closets, go to the movies, stay up late and sleep in, visit somewhere like a place near you or a local library and stock up on books to read, scrapbook, bake meals and freeze for later when kids do come back home extra time with them since dinners in the freezer, just keep busy is what I will have to do so maybe their will be things to keep you busy. You can always call your girls, write them, facebook if you can. Can email me and i will talk to you while they are gone. keep busy and the time will fly and before you know it they will be back. I know hard and I will be there soon myself.

    Answer by momindiana at 4:12 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I wouldn't go. Maybe you could go spend a few days here and there if you really can't stand being away from them for so long. Otherwise, take some time to yourself and enjoy!

    Answer by katiemomNY at 5:08 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I might consider going for a few days maybe half way during the visit but I would not stay with the new girlfriends family. I know it's hard to let go but that situation is asking for trouble.

    Answer by Luuckymommy at 5:10 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.