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my husband disagree but I'm fed upWITH MY 22 YEAR OLD SON

here at home with us, we love him but i feel he should be on his own as soon as possible. he went away to college his first year and dint do well, SO he came home worked graduated his first two years, he never disrespected me AS A teen BUT AFTER 19t he was angry at himself, things got better now he rarely loses his temper ( few times) now a senior in USf university tampa we don't have the money for his living expenses when he gets a loan from school he gives usually 500 a semester to cover his food and rent expenses
he has worked steadily for years in pub lix the deli, he is studying to be a psychologist, I'm tired, want him to move on, what do you think? hubby DISSAGREES and i think he feels better with him here, i feel we should let him fly , hecan afford to live on campus, and playing poker back patio annoys ME PLUS I END UP DOING HIS LAUNDRY

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 AM on Dec. 15, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • He is an adult,

    tell hubby its me or him!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Dec. 21, 2008

  • I so do not agree with you based on what you say, even the part about "I end up doing his laundry". You don't end up doing his laundry unless you "end up picking it up, putting it in the washer, running the washer, taking it out of the washer and putting it in the dryer or hanging it up". $500 A SEMESTER? for rent? definately not enough, Your question sounds more like a defense for him and makes you look bad. He sounds like he is doing what he's gotta do but needs a little support along the way. Sorry, I agree with your husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • First, STOP, doing his laundry. Just close the door to his room. I do know how you feel tho. You need to tell him he needs to start paying rent & stick by your guns. Also, make him do chores, like wash dishes or run the vacuum cleaner. And keep on him until he does what he is supposed to do. I didn't realize until recently that there are alot of mothers in your same situation. I basically tell them the same thing. I am also kind of in your shoes and I do make them help around the house and such. It may get on my nerves, but I bug them until they get it done. Give it a try.
    nannee59

    Answer by nannee59 at 2:01 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • NEVER do his laundry. If he doesnt know how to do it by now he will figure it out when he's sick of turning his undies inside out. Your son is definitely old enough to be on his own. Your husband's emotions/feelings are doing your son a disservice. You son should WANT his independace. He shouldnt want his mother doing his laundry at 22 years old. Your husband babying him isnt helping him mature. He should be on campus or somewhere else, but not in your home anymore.
    CassandraLeeMN

    Answer by CassandraLeeMN at 2:45 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • My son is only 23 months old right now but I would never try and push my son out the door if he needs help. Arent moms supposed to be the more soft ones and not the dads lol.
    LANDENSMOMMYlmk

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 2:03 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • He sounds like he treats you respectfully, has a job, and is going to school. I think that it's good for you to be helping him while he's in school. You said he's a senior. Why not just wait until he graduates before you get restless? Besides, now would be a great time for him to start putting his money away for a down payment on a house, not throwing it away on rent. I know DH and I lived with my parents for a year and his parents for a year which really helped us save up for our house. Now we're out on our own and it's great, but we never would have gotten here if it weren't for our families. On the other hand I have a brother that keeps moving in with Mom and Dad and just free loading. Treats my folks bad and acts like he owns the house. Like I said your son sounds like a good kid, give him a break.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 5:06 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • yes, just throw this guy out to the wolves & get rid of him for good! I can see he's doing nothing but holding you back, you should've been rid of him when he turned 18 kick him out, heaven forbid the young man may need his family while trying to work & go to school, i'm sure he's home 24/7 right behind you every step you take GET OVER YOURSELF "MOM" gezzzz i've heard it all now

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:03 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • He is a college student, working part time....and I don't see why you would think of pushing him out now. Let him graduate, get on his feet and then move on when he is ready. He is taking loans to pay for college...he isn't in a position to pay you rent right now! You don't have to do his laundry if you don't want to. Just stop doing it!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:38 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • Make him pay you more for rent and food, $500 isn't enough. Stop doing anything for him he is a grown man.Let him do it himself. Let him start acting like an adult. If your stop babying him he actually might leave on his own.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:09 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • I am 22 and i lived with my parents my first year of college i had to do my own clothes...if he can afford to live on college did you ask him why he doesnt? my mom asked me the same thing and i told her that i didnt want to share a dorm with someone i didnt know i was more afaird of being the complete opposite of me and not liking her or having her steal my things its scary you dont know who you can trust anymore
    pebbles425

    Answer by pebbles425 at 3:26 PM on Dec. 17, 2008

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