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2 Bumps

Are online interactions considered infidelity?

Dh and I will have been married 4 years next year but have been a family with kids for 6 years. In March I caught him talking to an ex gf online asking for naked pictures of her and talking about how good it was. I was 1 week away from giving birth to our second daughter so I woke him up (I found it at 4:00am because I wasn't able to sleep) and told him what I found, how disgusted I was, and that it better NEVER happen again. He said he was so sorry, ashamed, and it will never happen again. At the end of May I caught him talking on facebook for 4 hours (!) to a different ex again asking this one for naked photos, sending them, remember the "great times" telling her how good she is at oral sex, calling her his pet name for her, Love Bunny, saying exactly what he would do to her in the shower, remember their sex positions, etc he said if he was single tomorrow they would have a serious relationship in 6 months then he said "Marry me" and she said "definitely". I can't believe he did it again and although he swears it will never happen again I want to leave him. Our girls deserve a loving house not one full of tension and me being paranoid it will happen a third time. I already gave him a second chance and feel like he made his bed now he has to lay in it but I don't want to take the girls away from their dad. He has physically cheated on every girl he has ever been with except me (to the best of my knowledge) including his ex wife. Thanks for reading. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I would consider what he did an act of emotional/intimate infidelity.

    I wish I had advice for you, but you seem to already know what you need to do. :)
    Gingerwheel

    Answer by Gingerwheel at 5:40 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Leave the pig. There is no way to get him to stop unless HE wants to. It doesn't sound like he can, so I would be gone.
    .MhacFoirfe.

    Answer by .MhacFoirfe. at 5:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Infidelity.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 5:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Thanks girls. I can't believe this is where we are in our marriage/lives. I described the state of our marriage to him as being a "rotted (I meant moldy) piece of bread" and right now I don't have the will or the emotional umph to fix it. It has been over a month and I feel my heart subconsciously hardening toward him in order to protect myself. Tear wth. :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:49 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • HE needs to fix it, not you. And you gave him one too many chances. I would have left him the first time he did that---it is infidelity. You deserve better!!!
    minnesotanice

    Answer by minnesotanice at 6:08 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It is cheating and he won't stop. It's a sexual addiction and until he realizes and gets help you either have to deal with it or leave. Mine's been doing the same thing for 10 years now. The lies get bigger. I would just be very careful if you are intimate with him. Mine knows that until he gets help I will not be intimate with him. It's been 3 years now and he would rather run around. The other women don't mind getting kinky.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 6:21 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • You know what should be done....at this point you are just looking for strength to see this through. I have been in your situation, and what I came to realize was that my children deserved better. So you must ask yourself if you want your daughters growing up thinking it is okay for men to treat women this way.
    jennifee

    Answer by jennifee at 6:42 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I can and only will speak in regards to my marriage.

    Yes, what you have described would be considered infidelity in my marriage. Those types of interactions are listed in our post-nuptial agreement (which is both notarized and signed off on by a judge) as infidelity and grounds for divorce, with some hefty divorce settlement provisions in favor of the spouse that has been cheated on.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 6:47 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Yes I would consider it cheating. He isn't just talking but he's asking for naked pics of someone. That's cheating. You've given him two chances. I would be out the door. You know what they say, shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice. He isn't making an effort to change and you can't trust him and honey without trust you don't have a marriage.. I am sorry;((
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 7:01 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • So I know exactly what this is like, since you went anon, feel free to pm me, I will share my experience with you, I am not really all that keen on blowing out to the world my stuff, But I would glady fill you in on how its possible to stay in a relationship and gain trust back. Good Luck hon!
    kgrine

    Answer by kgrine at 7:10 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

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