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How to deal with your 4 year old child's rude disrespectful friend?

My son, age 4, has a 6 year old friend who is rude and disrespectful to other kids, blames other kids for things he does, bossy and just an all around brat. I have put up with this because despite all these things my son continues to want to play with him daily and I guess that the child does not know any different since his mother rarely disciplines him or blames his older sister when he does something "bad". I do however explain to my son that he is not allowed to act this way when I notice him picking up on such behavior. Today while riding in the car I saw a train that the little boy did not see. When I said that I saw the train the little boy called me a liar and I told him that I did see a train and that it had 3 lights. He again called me a liar, in which his mother responded by telling him not to say such things because its mean and to apologize to me, to which the little boy refused. Of course I don't really care that the boy called me a liar, my concern is that my son will start to pick up on the other little boy's disrespect towards adults which I certainly will not tolerate (of course I wonder why I tolerate the other behavior). My solution is to not allow my son to be around the little boy anymore but my husband says that I might be overreacting. Is there a nice way to handle this? I already know that the mother will blame her ex-husband (the little boys father) on this kind of behavior from her son (since nothing is ever her son's fault, in her eyes, and I've heard her do this before on many occasions) but I see it as the little boy simple has no respect for anyone, including his own family. Also I know that this is going to open a big can of drama as the mother is going to tell all of our mutual friends/neighbors (we live in on the same street).

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (10)
  • Your son is 4. If he's around bad influences, you remove them from his life. He'll get over it. There are better friends out there.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 6:37 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • if you have mutual friends living on the same street, um..i'm sure they all know this boy and his character. sad, because its probably 'learned' from the parents (meaning, it was/is within their power to stop it and correct the damage).
    either way, you dh probably isn't around him as much as you are, so he really has no idea what you're talking about. i would severely limit my child's exposure to this kid. neighborhood-gossip be damned..its not their kids you have to live with, its your's.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 6:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Both moms r right! take your kid out of the bad situation! He will start treating people the way this kid does!!!! U r the mom,u need to stop it. Your husband,like many others always think we r over reacting!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 6:45 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Any ideas on how to approach this with the mother or should I even bother? We have recently rekindled an old friendship in the last 3 months. I know that eventually she will turn this all around on my son and I. I really don't care what she has to say about it or thinks about my decision but I hate to simply cut off all communication without letting her know the reason. (She's a pusher and is going to bug me about not seeing her anymore.) I hate to say she is a drama queen cause she's not so much a queen as she just likes to express her feelings about things with other people who will agree with her.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:52 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Also, any advice as to how to break this to my four year old who often plays with him? Generally I do not involve him in adult conflicts or situations.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:07 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I'm going through the same thing. My little boy really likes to play with this boy who lives on our street and goes to the same school with. My DS is such a sweet boy,and when he gets around this other kid, who is rude, talks back and actually stole one of my DS's toys and has refused to give it back to him, I stopped calling their mother to let him come play with my son. Simple as that, I'd rather my sweet boy hang out at home with me, instead of picking up some other kids bad habits.
    Now about talking to the mother about her kid, there is no easy way to talk to someone about their children. Feelings always get hurt, especially if nothing is her fault and she's a drama queen. I would just avoid it, and maybe she'll get the hint because you have said something before and she did nothing about it.
    She'll wonder "huh, wonder why Sheila and her ds don't come around to hang out with us anymore?" Then she'll realize that you've ha
    danichaos

    Answer by danichaos at 7:08 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • d enough.
    You little one will soon forget about him, just take him to play with other kids.
    danichaos

    Answer by danichaos at 7:08 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Just explain to her that you do not want your son to start acting rude and disrespectful towards others. If you don't want to be blunt then just stop the calling and setting play dates.
    momavanessa

    Answer by momavanessa at 7:17 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I have an answer for you about the mother.I carefully read your first question..I would not tolerate a 4 year old calling me a liar..
    I would first have a heart to heart with this mother and think very hard before you do...You can be compassionate, I am sure about the other little boy's situation, but for now I would be assertively point blank about what you will tolerate where your son is concerned...In my opinion you may not have control over the other boy and his mother, but you DO over yourself. and your child. .You and your son might be a potential good influence on this boy, but I also question how much the boy is a GOOD POSITIVE INFLUENCE on your child...It should work both ways to be a fruitful relationship, even at 4 years old.. (These are formative years) If you are a praying person,, ask a blessing and stand your ground. You have a right to want your son to grow up well, with respect and with manners.
    VeronicaTex

    Answer by VeronicaTex at 7:20 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • i have been through this my dd has a very rude friend when i was telling my dd something her friend came and interupted and said come on lets go allready uhhh ya i told her to learn some manners and sent her on her way home no playing here if you don't have manners little girl

    rinamomof2

    Answer by rinamomof2 at 9:04 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

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