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For the Mamas that adopted their LO's...Was it hard to have a connection with the adopted child?

I always wondered how it feels.. to adopt a child.. to love a child that isn't biologically yours...is it hard to get that connection? I can't wait to hear more about this :)

 
Emmajosmommy

Asked by Emmajosmommy at 6:55 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Adoption

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Answers (18)
  • We adopted both of our kids at birth. With both there was instant love, protectiveness, etc. With our first it took me a while to really feel like her mom, though. She was about a week old and a friend was holding her. She kept turning her head across the room towards my voice and it hit me like a ton of bricks... "I'm finally a mommy!" With my son it was different since it was the second time around. His adoption was out of state, so there was a longer period of time where his birth family could have changed their minds. That was a really tough time. What someone said earlier about the hardest part being holding yourself back in case things don't work out is definitely the truth. I think with either bio or adopted kids (and mom friends of bios have said as much) it can take time to really establish the bond and it's something that grows over time. You fall in love instantly but that loves grows deeper and deeper.
    ZoeyBethsMomma

    Answer by ZoeyBethsMomma at 2:35 PM on Jul. 5, 2011

  • my parents love the shit out of me and i am adopted
    sophistcatdfury

    Answer by sophistcatdfury at 7:07 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • You love the idea of being a parent, anticipating and dreaming of that specific kid. I imagine similar to expecting a child through labor. Loving isn't the hard part. Trying to stop the heart from loving in case it doesn't work out is the difficult and impossible part. It was hard not to be cautious initially but impossible to not want him so bad it hurt. A mixture of scared, happy, excited....
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 9:18 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It is the same connection as with a biological child. The love is natural and it is impossible not to feel it. It is the instinctual, deep, mother-lion type of love. The type of love where you find yourself gazing at your baby, awe-struck that you have the privilege of being a part of his life.
    ARgal

    Answer by ARgal at 10:12 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Since there are no surprise adoptions.....

    I don't think the surprise factor has anything to do with loving a child. Many children who were "surprises" are loved as much as children who were planned. Adoptive parents are not necessarily better parents just because they yearned for a child for years. Being a good parent involves so many different factors.

    I think some people are able to bond easier to ANY child better than others. Many adoptive moms have no trouble bonding with an adopted child, but some do. Some moms who give birth have trouble bonding too though. I think it really depends on the person.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 10:19 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I am not a parent that has adopted a child. I know people that have. I remember when they each got their adopted children. I think that they fell in love with their children before or at first sight. I used to babysit some of them. Some of of the adopted children were my friends. I loved them all.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 7:06 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It isn't hard at all - you just do it. Since there are no surprise adoptions, by the time your child is with you, you have wanted and waited so long, and you are mentally in a place where you are ready to accept your child and you just do it. With both of my kids, within a few months, I kind of forgot that they hadn't been in my life forever. I will say it took about as long to really bond and feel more like a mother and less like a babysitter, but I was a first time mom to a 2 year old....It was not instant and took a little time. But the love was there, the willingness to bond, and it happened very naturally. I do not have bio kids, so I can't compare the two, but I do know that we are completely in love and bonded to our kids and that our children are very well bonded to us.
    mitikusmom

    Answer by mitikusmom at 7:23 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • NOT at ALL>>>>


    It was not hard....It was the easiest thing I ever did..


    She was my baby..the second I held her....the love of my life....


    I thank God for her...and I thank her birthparents for her daily....

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:43 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I fell in love with both of my kids right away. With our first, it took quite a while to sink in that she was actually ours. For so many years things had not gone the way we hoped they would - failed infertility treatments and potential adoption situations that did not result in children for us. I remember the first time I called to make a doctor's appt for my daughter, I felt like I was lying by saying those words. Our open adoption actually helped me a lot. Our daughter's birth mom was very affirming and let us know that she thought we were doing a good job. That meant a lot to us. With our second child, we were very certain that the adoption would be finalized due to circumstances, so I didn't go through the same thing exactly. They are my kids, and I'd give my life for them.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:14 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I adopted my son, who entered my life at 7 weeks, when my son brought his first mom home as his fiance. Things went badly between them, and DSS intervened. I was allowed to keep him in a kinship foster situation. After many no show visitations, her not following the courts conditons on parenting classes, etc. (this was not her first failed attempt at parenting) they finally terminated her parental rights. I never expected they would let me adopt him, I found out when he was about 15 months that I would be allowed to. It was one of the happiest days of my life:) I love this little boy more than life itself! We have been through so much together. I can honestly say there is no less love than I feel for my daughter who I gave birth to. My son and I have a special bond-always will.
    Heartlight617

    Answer by Heartlight617 at 9:43 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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