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2 Bumps

I have to tell my dh a secret and don't know how..........

We have been married for 10 years and I never told him I was molested by my father. I have tried to suppress my memories of this(I never told anyone) but now I have been thinking about it lately. Me a dh haven't had since in over 2months and I feel like we are growing further apart. I need some advice on how to bring it up. Our communication is not the best right now. I have been so on edge lately that I have been snapping at him for the stupidest stuff. We haven't talked in over a week unless it is about the kids. I have been sleeping in the guest room so I want have to have sex with him. Please help me/

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:15 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • sweetheart, been there, done that.......there is no easy way to say it, just pretend it is a bandaid and rip it off.....sit him down and give him the down low....trust me it is better than what he is thinking right now......is she having an affair or doesn't she love me anymore, what have I done...........all those things are going thru his mind....if he loves you he will understand but above all remember, IT ISN'T YOUR FAULT!!!! kids don't ask for this.......plz be understand of hubby's anger at first (he isn't mad at you, he is mad bc he couldn't protect you). that's how it goes with the men we love, they want to protect us even from our past... friend request me if you need some one to talk to...best of luck!!!
    southernlady184

    Answer by southernlady184 at 7:28 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Ask him why he thinks that the two of you haven't had sex in so long. That is a great opening to the subject you want to discuss.
    dustbunny

    Answer by dustbunny at 7:18 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • you really should say something. eventually something's got to give. don't wait til something bad happens like the end of your relationship. life is too short to wait to see what might happen. if you want to save your relationship do something now.
    mmsfirstone

    Answer by mmsfirstone at 7:17 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Bump
    Amberlovesher3

    Answer by Amberlovesher3 at 7:23 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • you could speak to a professional and have him come to 2nd session
    another person in room is weord maybe, but support
    and if nothing else a professional who deal s in this stuff, can let you know how is will likely react
    he may need a session also
    a GOOD therapist COULD help you TWO deal with this
    hope to God that he is a loving supportive husband through this

    hugs
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:51 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I too have been ther nd done that. If he trueley loves you no matter what he will know your being serious and help you get out what ever you have to say, even if you cry like a hyiena doing it. It took me a long time to tell him what went on, and it helped alot of issues we had in our relationship. Good Luck hon, but you really need to sit him down ad have a talkwith him about it. He deserves that much... Your his wife, better or worse, and you have a secret that is hindering that and he should want to help you wtih this. It will be okay, huggs!
    kgrine

    Answer by kgrine at 8:10 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Perhaps have the grandparents take the kids for the night. Fix a nice dinner at home and just tell him. I know easier to say than do, but remember this is the person you married so there had to be some trust there. I'm sure he's confused and doesn't know how to help. Good luck. If it helps, write a letter to him and let him read it while you just sit quietly. Answer any questions he has after. I know sometimes its easier to put my feelings down on paper than to speak them.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 7:19 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with you dh letting him know exactly whats going on and that you have just been taking your flustrations out on him..and go from there..
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 8:37 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • If you feel its important for him to know, then you just need to tell him that you have something very important that you need to talk to him about. Make sure it is during a calm time where you will be uninterrupted, and just tell him. You don't have to give him details, you can tell him that you would like to either never talk about it again...or that you would like to be able to openly talk to him when you need to about it... This is no easy task... but I have been there. It was the single most difficult thing I have ever done, but... once I did it.. I felt a thousand times better, I felt our relationship strengthen, and I was able to be in control of the conversation. Good luck. Buck up, and just let it out. If it is affecting your relationship so much, its important he know why, and that way he can be more sensitive to your needs and moods.
    Tarrar

    Answer by Tarrar at 11:45 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • This might be the worst idea to some people- but I had to send my husband an email about a situation like this (it was my brother) to open the conversation. We had been dating for a while and I just couldnt tell him to his face. I didnt tell him every little detail and he didnt ask, just let me tell what I was comfortable with. He was very understanding and as I said earlier he is my husband now. I would get outside help too.
    cluemein

    Answer by cluemein at 11:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

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