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Not sure how to phrase this question..

i am in the process of adopting my friends 4 year old daughter, and 4 month old daughter. i have always played the mother roll for both of the girls and they both consider me "mom".. however, when their birth mother comes over she automatically thinks she runs things around my home. if i tell the 4 year old she cant have something, my friend gets up and gets it for her. how do i go about handling this? i dont feel that she should do this in my home and it is very frustrating because she throws it in my face that they are "her kids" but ive raised them both since birth.. just not sure if i should put my foot down or just get over it.. please help!

Answer Question
 
lilmamaa2011

Asked by lilmamaa2011 at 8:05 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • Put you foot down!!! For whatever reason she isn't raising them herself, she shouldn't have a say. And it is YOUR house!
    MommyBulger

    Answer by MommyBulger at 8:06 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I would tell her something like you'd appreciate it she helped you enforce the rules you have in place and that you are doing what is best for her. Because CLEARLY you are the one looking out for their best interest. Just tell her you are raising them and its your house so they need to follow your rules, besides if you're adopting them they aren't legally HER kids anymore and if she has such a problem with that then she needs to deal with it she's the one that decided not to raise them herself and let you do it.
    husky_grlie08

    Answer by husky_grlie08 at 8:18 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • i dont want her to change her mind about the adoption though, thats the thing.. it took me a lot of talking to get her to let me legally adopt them. at first she just wanted me to take care of them and provide for them and she wanted to come play super mom once or twice a week, i dont want things to go back to the way they were.
    lilmamaa2011

    Comment by lilmamaa2011 (original poster) at 8:22 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • just wait until the adoption is over and then put your foot down and remind her that legally the kids are yours and you have sayso over what they do and dont do
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 8:26 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • Most of us have this problem with grandparents. OR at least, I do.
    If you can put up with it until the adoption becomes legal. Then your feel to do what you need to do. If she's left her kids with you over ___ time period it is in your state. You should be able to get custody, regardless of what she says or wants - Does she help pay for the kids? I know, with adoption you won't get any money out of her after adoption. BUT just wondering.
    SassySue123

    Answer by SassySue123 at 8:28 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • no, they live with me.. shes on wic so she gets the formula for the baby and brings it over but other than that i provide everything. she comes over a few times a week to visit and thinks that she can change what we have going on.. i dont like that at all. we have schedules and rules and everything is great until she gets here.. then the fits and tantrums come out. also, she is constantly messing with them.. when she comes in she goes straight to the baby and wakes her up, every time! then i am the one who gets to get up with her and listen to her cry because shes sleepy and didnt get her nap.. its like she just wants to mess everything up for them.
    lilmamaa2011

    Comment by lilmamaa2011 (original poster) at 8:32 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • You should ask this in the adoption section where people have practical experience.
    onethentwins

    Answer by onethentwins at 8:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • well if ur still in process id bite my tongue for now so everything goes through but then i think u should go to lunch with her and try to talk and explain to her why this bothers you and is not helping the girls at all.....the worst thing that can happen is for someone to undermind ur authority with your kids. i hope things work out good...
    fleaandtick

    Answer by fleaandtick at 9:09 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I would wait until after the adoptioon is final... I know it seems sneaky but if shes giving them to you there must be a really good reason so it would probably be better for the kids in the long run if you just bite you tounge for now... then put your foot down cause it is definatly your house.
    Finkette

    Answer by Finkette at 9:13 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I agree with finkette wait till the adoption is final then put your foot down.
    MonkeyMommyNJ

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 12:02 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

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