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4 Bumps

Can you forgive and forget?

Question ladies,
If you had an adult with children, someone you are close to, a family member and she does something to hurt YOUR family (husband, kids, you) say...put your SO/husband in jail..that family member's children lived with you and said things that were not necessarily true.

One of the kids comes back now, 3 years later and reaches out to you, wants a relationship with you, can you forgive and forget? Mind you this is your SO's family but you were very close to the children.

I am in this situation, it's hard for me. I loved my sister in law and her kids but what they did to my family hurt us emotionally and financially, we are still trying to recoup 3 years later. I had a close relationship with my sister in laws daughter, she reached out to me on FB and requested to be my friend, I don't know what to do. Hubby doesn't want anything to do with his sister or her kids because of what happened. In my heart I can't be hateful, I forgave the kids, but I haven't forgotten. Trying to figure out what the best thing to do is. If I open my life to her, I also open it to my sister in law and I can't do that, as an adult I feel she had more control over the situation then what the kids did. What would you do?

Answer Question
 
LuvmyFam6

Asked by LuvmyFam6 at 10:38 PM on Jun. 29, 2011 in Relationships

Level 20 (8,516 Credits)
Answers (16)
  • forgive but don't forget is my new motto GL
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 10:39 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I forgive for myself but I never forget. In your situation I would't open my life to them again, you can't erase what happened so it's best to keep looking ahead, don't look back! Deny the friend request, and if you want block the person so you don't get a request again.
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 10:41 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I am not a forgiving person. I say, if it hurts you to even think about it, if you can live without the person in your life, then its not necessary to forgive or forget. Just move on with pride :)
    Tarrar

    Answer by Tarrar at 10:45 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • You know I thought about denying it and I really hate how I am sometimes because this is how I get hurt. My thought she was 12 then, she did what she thought she needed to do to have her mom's back without realizing the consequenses of her actions now she's almost 15 and part of me still needs answers, like why would you say something horrible for almost a year and then go back and admit you lied...why?
    And part of me still loves her, we were very close. My sister in laws kids lived with us for 6 months before their mom moved in with us so that love I don think has gone away.
    LuvmyFam6

    Comment by LuvmyFam6 (original poster) at 10:46 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • If the girl truly wanted a relationship she wouldnt use facebook to talk to you, my guess is mommy monitors her page and wants to know your business.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 10:47 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • sugamama (i love you're screen name, lol) but I thought the same too and that's why I can't bring myself to say ok...yes you're a kids, I am moving on and forgiving and forgetting.
    LuvmyFam6

    Comment by LuvmyFam6 (original poster) at 10:48 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I can forgive, but I never forget as well. And that relationship would have to be EARNED back...over time...not just given back. I'm in a similar situation...where Ive had a family member hurt my DH and myself over and over and over....and its very VERY hard to get over. But, theyre family. Theres always room for mistakes. But if theyre never going to learn from the mistakes, quit making them, and earn your trust back, then its not worth the damage and hurts you and your family have to endure.
    mlmkjw

    Answer by mlmkjw at 10:53 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • You have to do whats best for you hun, but will it put a strain on your marriage? Will it affect your children? Once you let them back in its not so easy to kick them back out of your life.
    sugamama3

    Answer by sugamama3 at 11:00 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • It will put a strain on my marriage, my husband wants nothing to do with them, not even the kids. However he's being supportive and knows that I am not a hateful person and I don't hold grudges so he's leaving it on my court :(
    LuvmyFam6

    Comment by LuvmyFam6 (original poster) at 11:08 PM on Jun. 29, 2011

  • I agree forgive but don't forget. They could be wanting to try for round two. You never know.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 12:39 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

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