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2 Bumps

Grandparents Physicaly disciplining kids....

I have a problem. (It has been solved for the time being). That I need some community thoughts on. My MIL smacked my 8 year old daughter across the face last month. We spoke with her about it, kept DD away from her unsupervised, and thought that the problem was over. When we let her over this weekend (after adressing the problem, and developing a plan to come get her if she gets to be trouble) My MIL did it again. she hit her on the hand. (she was told not to touch the computer, and she did, so Grandma smacked her). I'm at a loss at what to do. DD wasnt hurt (just angry and a little scared), and we just had a huge conversation about how this behavior will not be tollerated....and she does it again.

and to top it off, she gives DD a lecture about "sin" and "obeying god".

No offense to you religious folks out there, but I'm against the idea of fear-mongering religion to children. Especialy to justify this kind of Abuse. I don't care what you believe, and I dont care what she did. jesus doesnt hit children.

So not only do I have to deal with the fact that MIL hit my kid again..but now I have to answer all sorts of questions about Heaven, hell, and sin. *sigh*.

I don't think that she should be able to do this. I believe that it's child abuse...Hubby thinks I'm over reacting, since it was "discipline" and because DD did something she was told not to, and wasnt hurt.

I still say this is a scary pattern, and DD isnt allowed over to Grandma's anymore.

so Caffee Mom...Am I over reacting? Should I let this one go, since no one got hurt? What are your opinions on other people disciplining your children.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Jun. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

Answers (12)
  • You're not over reacting. Your dh needs to get on the same page as you. Yes, she didn't get hurt, but what if she does? then what? If I were you I wouldn't let dd go to grandma's house. Hitting is a big no no.
    Ashoonik

    Answer by Ashoonik at 12:34 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • no one spanks my kids. the only ones who are allowed are me and their dad. you MIL went way over board when she smacked your kid across the face.
    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 12:34 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I don't think smacking a childs hand is child abuse. The hitting on the face is a bit much, but smacking of the hand? No, unless she's using full force or using something to hit her with. In school they're allowed to do corporal punishment with kids (at least at the school I went to) using a wooden paddle. I graduated class of 2003 and as far as I know not much has changed, BUT the parents DID have to sign off that corporal punishment was OKAY.

    Personally, I think the government and CPS is entirely too involved with how others parent their children. They have too much control. At times its necessary to intervene and step in, but most of the time it's not.

    I think it more so comes down to how you want your own child parented. She is not the Mother, you are. If she cannot respect your parenting plan, then she gets no visitation. Done deal.

    As far as the religious part goes, I have no opinion. I am not religious.

    GL

    Razelda

    Answer by Razelda at 12:37 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think you are definitely in the right here! My child would not go over there unsupervised anymore either! My children aren't allowed around their grandmother unsupervised because I disagree with her "discipline" methods and she is so childish that she says mean things to my kids if they do something wrong (She's like a mean 5 year old!) My children are only 2 and 3 and if they don't want to hug her goodbye or something, she will say something like, "fine! I will never come over again! And slam the door and leave." Yesterday she threatened to smack one of them because one of them hit her (while I agree they should be disciplined, I do not take kindly to someone else threatening to smack my child. I mean grow up!) and my husband and I both jumped her case to make sure she knew she would not be welcome here anymore if she laid a hand on our child. You go, mama. Don't put up with it.
    Kword

    Answer by Kword at 12:39 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think you are over reacting, but I don't think you should completely drop it. Smacking a child on the hand is NOT child abuse. If you called CPS on her, they would throw the case out.

    I don't let anyone hit my children, so I don't think you should drop it. I think you should address it in a less extreme way. Don't accuse her of child abuse, because it's going to make you seem like the bad guy who is over reacting.

    I would not let her over there unless you were with her. And make that very clear to granny.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • i agree with you on the fearing religion into children. and your mil way crossed a line slapping your dd's face. a smack on the hand is not a huge deal IMO, but a face slap is excessive and unnecessary.
    flamingomegs

    Answer by flamingomegs at 12:42 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • WOW.. i would be beyond pissed all the way around! if MIL can not go by your rules, then i would have to be done..

    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 1:14 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I would not allow DD to be with grandma unsupervised. You had a plan if there was issues,why didn't grandma call you?

    RobinChristine

    Answer by RobinChristine at 1:18 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I dont think your over reacting to your MIL disciplining your child in a way your not comfortable with at all, she needs to know her boundaries and if you ask me she has no business disciplining your child while you are there anyway! So I would surely not let this go she needs to respect your wishes and you and your husband need to be on the same page about it..... However I do not think I would call it child abuse thats a bit strong for me, when I think if children who really are abused, its kind of like calling a headache a migraine.
    Princess_s21

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 1:28 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Your MIL over stepped her boundaries by hitting you DD in the face. I believe in spanking your children when they are bad, but never in the face. on the hand or the tush (also in biting back if your child bits you). So i do not think you are over reacting in that respect. However i have felt that when mom and dad are present its mom and dads rules but if Grandma or Aunti are in charge and mom and dad are not present then Child will have to abide by their rules. I always ask for a detailed report when i get my child back. Ok you spanked him because... I am a very devout born again christian, however i dont feel that religion should be used in a threatening manner especially to young children, but i do feel that children need to be educated about God and Sin, but appropriately to their age group. Hitting in the face is wrong and this issue definitely needs to be addressed. Maybe DD shouldnt see grandma unsupervised.
    MonkeyMommyNJ

    Answer by MonkeyMommyNJ at 1:33 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

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