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Sex, love and marriage...has things changed?

as Christians, we are constantlylearning! scratch that, I'M CONSTANTLY learning! i also have changed my mind regarding a lot of things...family, love, life, education, etc.

so, due to the maturing of my walk with Christ, i have gained a better understanding of why God wants us to wait until marriage to explore the wonderful world that is sex. He wants us to enjoy our husbands and wives within bounds of marriage...but, when we indulge in these things BEFORE saying 'i do'...that does have a major/profound impact on our lives.

so, am i the only gal who views sex differently now that i'm a little more mature than what i was a few years ago? has the idea of sex changed for any of you like it has for me (i.e. i see sex as a 'needed thing' and not a WANTED thing)?

i love my husband, i'm just not in-love with him most of the time. i know that sounds bad, but i would do and DO just about all that God requires of me in His word...it's just hard to be in love with someone who has wronged me the way he has.

so, am i alone?

Answer Question
 
HappyHmsklNapps

Asked by HappyHmsklNapps at 5:37 AM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 19 (7,634 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • My husband and I are atheists and we don't see anything wrong with pre-martial sex and my attitude hasn't changed with maturity.  We will be celebrating 23 very happy years together in 9 days.  We formed an intimate bond before marriage, that is how we knew that marriage was right for us and we weren't wrong.

    beeky

    Answer by beeky at 7:06 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I'm also an atheist and I've always had a sort of strange approach to sex, which is that the main side effect of sex is babies and so, unless you yourself are ready to have a baby and the fellow you're planning on banging is good husband and father material IN REALITY and not just in Imaginationland, you shouldn't have sex. As I've gotten older and my husband and I have had not one, not two but three children whose component parts chewed through multiple methods of birth control in order to come into being, I know now that I was completely right back then.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 8:33 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • So are you asking for viewpoint from other Christian women then?
    I seriously doubt that you are alone in feeling that way. I think what you're asking is "do other women feel sex is just a needed thing and not wanted". So you don't feel that you actually have "want" for sex with your husband anymore but you DO to fullfil your wifely obligations to meet your husbands needs??
    I know other women who say the exact same thing. I am not one of them but, I have friends who talk about feeling this way. I can understand especially if you've lost some/alot of desire for your husband due to the fact that he has wronged you in some way more than once it sounds like. That would definitely make things less desirable.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 8:35 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I too feel the same as you. I wondered for years why sex was not satisfying until I read a book that outlines that it is a gift from God for us to become one. This is why people are always seeking it because it is not satisfying between the two because they've laid with everyone they've dated and then some. I've taught my kids even before I learned this that if you give it away to whomever, when the time comes for the right person, you have nothing special or different to give to them that they haven't spread around to everyone else. Guess what? 3 out of of 3 children I raised to adulthood and no teenage pregnancy scares. And I NEVER believed in birth control. If you can't handle the consequences of your actions, then don't preform the action.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 8:43 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • If sex is not satisfying then your husband needs to learn how to get you off. If you're not in love with him then I'm very sorry to hear that. Love is an important part of sex. Would he and you be willing to learn new things? It may reawaken your relationship.

    Attap, premarital sex =/= sex with everyone they've dated. I've dated 7 people. I've only had sex with one.
    kit_manson

    Answer by kit_manson at 8:58 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Your feelings about sex have nothing to do with God and everything to do with your marriage. Your marriage is in real trouble. The "I'm not in love with him" excuse is simply a cop out. Real love has nothing to do with infatuation or puppy love (ie that "in love" feeling).

    Sometimes I'm not in the mood and I give my husband sex because I know it's a need for him. So I do see your point in that, but I think your marriage needs work and when your marriage is doing well, sex will become a "want" thing for you again.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 9:14 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Sex is wonderful and I do think that it was created by God to be enjoyed within the bounds of marriage. But I've always felt that way. I don't think that being a Christian woman requires you to be a doormat to your husband (you mentioned he has wronged you, but not much explanation to go on). There is a book called Boundaries in Marriage by Cloud/Townsend that is written from a Christian perspective and really helped me in my marriage.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 9:52 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Purity The Moral Revolution is an excellent book by Kris Vallatton. It is geared for younger people but I think everyone should read it. I got a lot out of it and the story he shares at the beginning will blow your mind.
    You can find it at Ibethel.org
    Shaneagle777

    Answer by Shaneagle777 at 3:11 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I understand many things better as I have matured .... Song of Solomon actually makes sense now.

    Yes, my view of sex has changed since I was younger. I have a better understanding of what is, what it means, and why it is there. I am convinced now more than ever that sex is to be reserved for the exclusive marriage covenant between a husband and wife.
    -Eilish-

    Answer by -Eilish- at 3:14 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • -Eilish-

    Answer by -Eilish- at 3:16 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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