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Birthmoms, what do you want?

To all of the birth moms out there, what do you want from your adoption at this point? What is your ideal wish, no matter how far-fetched, other than going back in time? More contact? For the APs to give your child back to you? Acknowledgment that you are a mother?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 9:12 AM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (18)
  • Oh Please!!!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:24 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Sounds like someone had some issues with an adoption.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:25 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Good question! I'm not a BM to an adopted child, but I am an adopted child... If it was asked to me 'what do I want from BM?' I would say... I would like to have known her as an adult or teen. Not to have her as a part of my life though. That would cause alot of emotional drama I don't want or need. But, I would like an honest conversation and maybe even a day or two spent together. Mostly because I'd like to know the story from her perspective, I'd like to know that she did love me, I'd like to know what my family medical history is, I'd like to know who my BF was, and I'd like to have some idea who she is as a person(not so much in depth on this one).

    Answer by Ms.Gwen at 9:27 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I want an apology and I want pictures and information on our son like I've been asking for the past 6 years. I want to be heard not dimissed again when I ask a question. I don't want to be told that I'm not using appropriate adoption language or corrected because they don't like the word I chose to describe my situation and feelings.
    I don't want them to tell me what I feel.

    I just one time want to hear them say; I'm sorry we lied, I'm sorry we caused you so much pain and that your hurting.

    There is probably a lot more I'd more want, but this would be a good start.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 10:15 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think this is a well meaning question...EXCEPT...Seriously, why would you even ask something such as "would you want the APs to give your child back?" As a First Mom, I would not have removed my twin sons from their parents , they were already in a stable, loving,bonding enviroment,( even though it was an illegal adoption, I loved them too much to do such a thing). Of course finding this out when they are 23 really doesn't make it an issue any longer.
    From today on, in MY journey,full open honest relationship,(even if only to be very good friends) ,will suffice:) However they are now 25, and able to make that choice. It is going just as I / they would like it to go, 1 day at a time:) CJ~

    Answer by ceejay1 at 12:26 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Sorry, one last comment; "Ackowledgment that we are a mother", APs know better than anyone we are 'our" childs Mother, just as 'we" know you are their Mother:)

    Answer by ceejay1 at 12:30 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • My son's an adult so we can have whatever relationship he and I want without having to run it by his parents. His adoptive family and we, his birth family, are like one big family and get along great. It's all good.

    What I would love at this point in for my adoption journey is for my son to realize how my giving him away has affected him and get some therapy and start to heal. His big sister has already started to do that, but she can't make him do it, it's something he has to get to on his own. Until then, I can only be there. I don't think I can fully heal until he does.

    Answer by onethentwins at 2:53 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • At this point in time, I wish that my son and I could truly talk about our adoption story, in full honesty with each other. I wish that my son didn't have to hold back or deny any feelings towards his first family out of worry that it will hurt his adoptive family. I wish that we could truly be one family. I wish that my son lived close enough that we could see each other on a regular basis. I especially would love to meet his wife and children, and dream of being "Grandma Susie" to his children.

    Answer by susie703 at 3:09 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • `An apology would be a good start. In a perfect world I would like to slowly work toward a co parenting situation. Like CJ I understand how much my child loves her other parents. After this many years it would be cruel to her to remove them from her life so that just isn't something I can dream of even though the adoption was illegal. I love her too much to want to cause that pain. I would like for both of her mothers and fathers to be acknowleged equally. We are all important to her in our own ways. I would like her siblings to be an active part of her life instead of just kids she visits every few years. I'm sure there is more but you get the point. I wuld ideally like to blend our families in love and mutual respect. It won't happen but that is my ideal.

    Answer by Aislin at 3:15 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • This question breaks my heart. I'm not adopted nor have i given a child up, but I can only imagine how devastating it muust be to a BM, you make the choice that you think is best for your baby, for whatever reason, then turn around to be treated like a villian. It also breaks my heart for the kids who end up possibley feeling like their birth parents didn't love them, when really, they loved them enough to give them life and gave them to a family that would potentially be able to give them a better life.

    I wish you all peace!

    Answer by earthmama727 at 4:43 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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