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2 Bumps

Bio dad and step dad issue for DD's birthday party

I want to have my 3 year old's birthday party at Chuck E Cheese. Her bio dad and my husband (her step dad) do not get along at all. Her bio dad is selfish and doesn't help financially and only sees her once or twice a week. My husband says he won't go if her bio dad goes to the party. I can't not invite her real dad, I know she would want them both there.

How do I get them to at least be civil for her sake? They both love her. It's so frustrating to me that they can't get along for her sake! Help?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (18)
  • You need to tell your husband that he has to suck it up for your daughter. If he really loves her, he will do this. I am a stepparent and a bioparent so I know what I'm talking about. This day is about your daughter, who would want them both there, its not about your husband. I totally get not likeing the bioparent. My stepson's mother is a complete a-hole and that is an understatement, but she's my stepson's mother so I have to take the high road. Period.
    gramsmom

    Answer by gramsmom at 10:21 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I wouldn't invite both. I would let bio-dad do his own party thing or whatever he wants to do for her. A party at chucky cheese is for the kids anyway, not adults.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 10:33 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I agree with Candi. i have 2 dd's and bio dad hardly ever sees them and my husband is the one providing for me and my kids. you dont have to invite bio dad. why cant he do his own thing for her for her birthday? and u cant say she will be dissapointed if hes not there because what child dosent like 2 bday partys?
    prettynpink343

    Answer by prettynpink343 at 11:57 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • He does not have money for her own birthday party with him, and I do, I am doing this for her not for him. If I don't do a joint one, more than likely she won't have one with her dad.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • And that's OK. He can get her some cupcakes and sing happy birthday. That's what we do at home for our own bio kids.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 2:08 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You need to talk to your husband and let him know that this event is for the child and not for him. I'm afraid if there is that much of an issue, you are in for a lifetime of problems. Remember, there is a birthday every year, things at school, graduation, marriage, babies, etc, etc. They both are either going to have to grow up or your daughter is going to suffer. How do you think she feels that it is a choice between the two. It's not fair to her.
    attap5

    Answer by attap5 at 2:15 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • If you and your DH are paying for the party, ya'll should go. Most parents who aren't together don't do joint parties. I would be mad if I was your DH and you invited your ex, knowing there are those kinds of problems. You child needs to understand that ya'll aren't together so you do things separately, just as you live separately.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 3:13 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I agree that there is no need to have bio dad there if you are throwing the party. It would be nice if the 2 could suck it up and think about the child instead of themselves, but if that's not an option, then don't invite bio dad to the party.
    MeandMyBabes

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 3:16 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • your husband needs to suck it up. if he wants to be there for his daughter's b-day then he needs to deal with her real father being there. good luck
    Mrs.Ro

    Answer by Mrs.Ro at 3:51 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I hate when moms say "well he only sees her once a week" well at least he sees her. How about the dad who doesn't even see their child once a YEAR? Have your own party and let bio dad have one for her on his time.
    glam.fairy

    Answer by glam.fairy at 4:18 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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