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14 Bumps

Scared and don't know what to do..

My BFF and I are so close, we're practically sisters. Have been since we were wee little ones.. Both of us got pregnant around the same time, in October, and our due dates were one day apart, Me Juy 15th, her the 14th.
She had really really high blood pressure, and had to have her sweet daughter delivered early. Two months early. The baby stayed in NICU for a few weeks, and was let out this past Sunday. Her name was Melanie, the same as my BFF's sister who died in a car accident about 10 years ago. And yesterday, Baby Melanie died as well. They don't know what happened yet. My BFF said she awoke from a nap and the baby wasn't responding, so she called 911 and tried CPR (she's a nurse), and they tried in the ambulance and the hospital, but was soon pronounced. I'm devastated, She wanted a little girl sooo badly, and wanted to honor the sister she loved and lost, and now this. She stayed in a hotel last night with her small son and SO, and I was up talking to her mom around 5am, who stayed in a hotel too, and she said my BFF wouldn't talk to anyone, and was just sitting and staring, rocking back and forth. She's going to be staying with me for a bit, she cannot go back to her house and can't afford hotels forever. Of course I don't mind at all, I love her to pieces, but I'm not sure as to what to do, or say, or what not to say ect.. I'm being induced next Friday..I'm scared she won't want to be around me, and what she going to feel in my house, with my empty baby room and stuff. I'm paranoid myself now, about my baby. I feel like there's no way I can sleep, that I'll just stare at him constantly to make sure he's breathing.. I guess I don't really have just one question, but maybe advice on how to help. Or anything really...Please, I would really appreciate it..

 
Squirellybur

Asked by Squirellybur at 10:17 AM on Jun. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 9 (306 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • My goodness. I am so sorry to hear about your friend. My son was born 3 months premature. He weighed 1 pound 11 ounces. There were times we didn't think he make it. He was so tiny. He had serveral surgeries and I even had a doctor tell me that he wasn't going to make it. That I needed to make arrangements. He even had a brain bleed that caused him to develope CP. It was the hardest thing in my life to go through. I was 25 years old, I left my husband for his cheating 6 months prior to him being born. I didn't even know I was pregnant when I moved back home to FL. My husbands girlfriend at the time called me day after day harrasing me telling me my son wasn't his and it was deformed. But I made up my mind and prayed. If God wanted me to have this child I needed to be prepared for either him coming home or for his death. I was blessed he came home with me four months later. He doesn't walk talk or situp. Be he is amazing, and ..
    ChacesMom

    Answer by ChacesMom at 2:00 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Gosh.....so so so sorry. I think you have normal feelings as a mommy to be, I had them and didnt experience anything like this. She may not want to be around you, but you already know why and not to take it personal. She's grieving, and depressed, just let her know you are there for her. You are going to have your hands more than full here shortly, and have to stay relaxed, you know that:) You will do great and so will your baby. Just be as supportive as you can, she's going to be a handful for you too - not in a bad way at all - just b/c of what she is and will be going through. I just don't know what else to say :(
    yesmaam

    Answer by yesmaam at 10:26 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • It's the hardest thing to grieve the loss of a child - especially one so loved and wanted. Be there for your friend. Follow her lead. We all grieve in different ways.

    JSD24

    Answer by JSD24 at 12:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think the support you are giving her is all you can do. You can't predict how she will feel or act.. but I would be cautious around her until you know how she feels. She may want to mother on your child rather than be depressed.. because you are so close. Or it could go the other way. The best solution for this is to get her to a therapist asap to help her sort through her feelings and grief. This is a very sad post and I am sorry you are going through this.
    Your feelings are normal outside of these circumstances so I would say within your circumstances even more substantiated.. make sure to talk it out and talik to your SO so he/she knows how you are doing, what you are thinking and hopefully can help you to relax.. it is so important now. Good luck and God Bless.
    Camilletnt

    Answer by Camilletnt at 10:49 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • What a sad a difficult situation, my sympathy for your friend. All I could say to u right now is PRAY....keep ur faith in God, and trust him to guide u and ur friend....p.s. What a great friend u are to take her under ur wing at such a crucial time in ur life:) hugs for u and ur friend!
    PANZONSMOM

    Answer by PANZONSMOM at 11:11 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Im sry hun. I was so scared of losing my lil one, I checked on him all the time. I still check on him often and hes 15 months. Just when u have u baby dnt get offened at ur bf shes greeving and needs a friend to tlk to.
    MommyAngel143

    Answer by MommyAngel143 at 10:39 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • She may not want to be around your baby, she may want to be around your baby a lot, kind of like to fill the void. Just try to help her and try to be understanding if she ends up trying to share your baby (not that you have to let her)
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 11:01 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • smiles all the time. The only advice I can say about your friend is never give up. You guys are sisters now. No one is friends for that long and loses each other unless you let it. Be there for her ups and her downs. She will return the favor. I was once told that you can never get over the loss of a child but you can let go of the pain. You can help her with that. If it helps here is a bible verse I held on to while Chace was in the hospital: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
    —2 Timothy 1

    I hope I don't offend you with the bibical verse. My faith is strong. And I will include you and your friend in our prayers at night.
    ChacesMom

    Answer by ChacesMom at 2:05 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • That is such an awful awful situation. I would be the best friend you can be and like PANZONSMOM said, let her take the lead as we all handle loss differently.
    cheapsally

    Answer by cheapsally at 6:02 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I am so sorry for your friends loss and your grief too. This is a horrible situation. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. I agree with the other post let your friend take the lead and just be there for her. As far as your question of how are you going to be able to sleep for fear of it happening to your baby....I felt that way too and I did not go through a friend losing a baby. My kids are 9, 6, and 18mos and I STILL get up at night to check and make sure they are breathing--all 3 of them. I will pray for you and your friend.
    Taterstots3

    Answer by Taterstots3 at 8:30 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

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