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Answers / Life & Home / Relationships
5 Bumps

What would you do?

a friend of mine cheated on her husband and had an ongoing affair but stopped it after she was caught.i knew nothing of this while it went on except the night she was out with me on girls night had a bit too much to drink and kissed a guy.i thought that was the end of it.here to come she continued this with the guy not telling anying one.i guesse bc she knew i would talk her out of it and it was wrong.anyhow her husb found out then she told me.her husb only thinks it was one time.she confided in me about it and felt so bad even went to counseling to try to save her marriage her husb is putting her through hell over this and stopped going to counseling.anyway hes pissed i know about it at all .he didnt want anyone to know about any of this and i guesse is embaressed as he should be,but he went off on me more than 1 ocasion first fb message than he texted me.i think he blames everyone for her affair.i didnt know about it and hes trying to get her to not be friends with me anymore i dont even think she defends me either.she told me once to not talk back to him if he ever calls me.but hes put me down telling me im a part time friend,i shouldnt be in their business(which i dont only when she calls me crying i talk to her hes putting her through hell he cant get over it)he reads her text than text me back from her cell downing me everyway possible telling me if she wants a part time friend than oh well ive never been there for her ect, ect even said who am i to give advice on their marriage to her when mines not perfect

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • The couple is in trouble, but you should keep distance, or soon you'll be the victim of their frustration.
    It's like a war-zone, and you, the peace-maker, may get the bullet in the end.

    I understand how you miss your friend(s), but it would be wiser to retreat for a while. Time will show them both
    that you've been a better friend to them, than they've been to you.

    His blaming attitude is not nice, but "a man in love is like 1000 crazy men". He'll apologise for this later.
    Her failure to support and defend you is something that puzzles me. You deserve better, girl !
    lillyblue111

    Answer by lillyblue111 at 11:06 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Her having an affair is not your fault. However, it's not your job to convince him of this. Although it sucks, maybe you should step back and let them work things out in their marriage. He's obviously hurt and is having trust issues. It's not your fault, and your friend should be the one explaining this to him. It does seem that he is unfairly taking his anger out on you, but really, what can you do? They need to work this out together. Maybe you should step back for a while and let them work it out alone. Crappy situation :(
    Ludvik_Smith

    Answer by Ludvik_Smith at 10:24 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • What would I do? Cut them out of my life. I'm sorry, but I don't have time and energy to spend sorting out other people's bullshit behavior.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 10:33 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I definitely agree with the first responder. Not so sure I'd want to be anywhere near that situation at all.
    Heathercurlz

    Answer by Heathercurlz at 10:28 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • he is very embarrassed by the situation. it is harder for men to push through when they know someone else knows. As her best friend it is probably very hard for him to believe you didnt know anything, not to mention the wife could be saying ANYTHING to keep her relationship ex "well ludvik hooked us up) you just never know. i had a friend that used to blame her trifling ways on me. She had a phonebook in her car that had lots of dudes numbers in it. she told her CRAZY boyfriend it was mine. he eventually started hating me because he thought I was a bad influence! I would just distance myself for a while until things calm down a bit.
    alboston

    Answer by alboston at 10:30 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Yep, back off and let your friend know why. If she texts you, remind her of this.
    Candi1024

    Answer by Candi1024 at 10:30 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • sucks, but this is what can happen when a friend cheats on her spouse
    can spill over to other people
    if she lied to husband that it only happened once, she surely could have lied and said it was a guy friend of yours, or it happened only when out with you AND she told you to go along with whatever her husband says to you= sounds like she helped husband blame you. he will blame everyone-his issue to work through - but the cheating wife is not helping anyone with her partial truth when caught

    distance yourself!!

    crappy friend
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:34 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • i feel bad for her bc she always calls and text me ive only ever been just an ear for her ive never tried to give her advice about it accept once i told her he needs to get over it if he wants to work it out or leave .ive shouldnt of said that at all bc apparently she must go back and tell him even i say he should get over it.bc on the text he said u said i should get over it"i was shocked she must of said something.if she feels our friendship is complic things she should stop calling me,but i really think she has noone else to talk to about it bc he thinks she shouldnt confide in noone i guesse which she will just resent bc everyone needs to vent.its been 6 months since the affair and i really think he knows in his heart shes lying about how long it went on for. i think he hates me bc he prob knows i wont rat out my friend for him if he ask me! girl code is just as strong as guy code.men stick together so doese women
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:42 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You need to remove yourself from that mess. They are miserable and trying to drag everyone down with them.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 10:43 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I would text her when I knew he would see it and say something like..

    "It's funny you have never told him that none of your friends knew of the affair. I'm assuming you didn't tell me about it because you know how I feel about cheaters and liars. Oh well, if you are going to continue to lie to him and let your friends go down with you in the process, I no longer want to be a friend anyone involved in this mess. Good Luck!"
    VintageWife

    Answer by VintageWife at 11:47 AM on Jun. 30, 2011

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