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Just one little sleepover?

My 13 year old daughter has been invited to her friends Birthday sleepover over winter break. She is begging to go. The problem is about 6 months ago her dad and I made the rule of no sleepovers at friends, because there was incidents in which they were sneaking out, sneaking alcohol, smoking etc, and some parents were not home. We allow her friends to sleep at our house, but we are uneasy about allowing her to go to someone's house we don't know well. I feel like maybe we should let her go to this one, since there will be many friends of hers there and she says its a big deal. My DH says no way and won't budge on the matter. Should we let her just this once? Would it create future problems do you think?


Asked by Anonymous at 10:37 AM on Dec. 15, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (20)
  • You need to stick with your rule, or she'll start trying to test other boundaries you have set for her. YOu can let her go to the party if it really is that important, but by 8 or 9 she has to be back home and can not stay over night (with luck she may be more embarassed to leave early than to not go at all, and may choose to drop it.) Explain why you don't allow sleepovers. Or if she would like in a few weeks, she is more than welcome to have one with YOU there. SLeepovers are fun and a sort of milestone for the teen years. In anycase, stick to what you said, and go with your gut.

    Answer by katzmeow726 at 1:45 AM on Dec. 16, 2008

  • If you are uneasy, trust your instincts. It's that simple. She'll throw a fit and be pissy with you for days, BUT you are teaching her a lesson about consequences. If you give in on this one after 'laying down the law' she'll know that you will not enforce the 'consequences' for bad future behavior.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Nope, don't budge. If the rule applied then it still applies now. If you go back on your word, your word doesn't mean anything and won't ever again in the future. I personally don't think that sleep overs are a good idea, certainly not something that is necessary. Stand strong. She may not like you for it, but in the end she will respect you at your word.

    Answer by Babylove76 at 10:42 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • nope... you took that privilege away for a reason!!! she will have to earn BOTH of your trust back... once you let her go once she will think she can all the time again

    Answer by krazyash023 at 10:51 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • If you felt like it was a big deal then maybe you could let her go for the day and then pick her up that night. You're not going back on your word as far as "No, sleep overs", but she can spend some time with all her friends.

    I believe in discipline. I have two teenagers myself....ages 16 and 18. I do believe that it is a fine balance act of trying not to break their spirits. I have learned in the past that if you take every joy away from them and you don't set a time line as to how long they are going to be punished then they lose sight of hope and will act out regardless. They have nothing to "work towards". So they feel it's useless anyways so why not do what they want.


    Answer by Southerncharmes at 10:53 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I think if you are uneasy about letting her go then you should contact the parents who are having the party. I would find out what they are planning on doing for the party and see who will be there.

    I would then talk to you DD and tell that there are some rules she needs to follow if you are going to trust her to go. Tell her that if her friends are sneaking out or doing things they should not then she should call you. I think that you have to trust her just a little and hope that she makes the right choices.

    I would also let her know that if she does not make the right choices then she will be grounded and let her know what that grounding will be.

    Good Luck

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 11:12 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I would call the parents and make sure they are going to be there the whole time, but also when you drop her off either go to the door with her or tell her to ask one of the parents to just wave out the door to you. She cannot regain trust if you don't give her chances to make the right choices. My ds had a girlfriend whose mother was talking to her on the phone while the girl was standing by my car and made her daughter give mom my cell # and called me making sure that it was really me who was driving and where they wanted to go-they were going from mini golf to the movies- it was really no problem and I agreed with her that you cannot be to careful.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 2:22 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I would let her go because I know when I was in her shoes and my parents didn't let me do things it made me want to do it behind there back... but when they trusted me I wanted to prove to them they could but do talk to the parents to make sure they will be there and let her know that you and her father are trusting her to make the right choices but if she screws it up don't budge anymore

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:54 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • I would call and talk to the parents, make sure they will be home. I agree also - too strict they will rebel. But husbands that won't budge are difficult also! Good luck! This is just the beginning! LOL

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:24 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • In my opinion, you should ask your daughter if there will be adults there to supervise. If she says yes, then tell her you want to speak to the parents who will be there. If she says no, then tell her you're sorry but she can't go. It seems she's given you reasons not to trust her, so explain that and tell her that it's in her best interest. She'll be mad but she'll get over it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 PM on Dec. 15, 2008