Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do i tell my secrets?

i 'm about to get married in my very near future, my soon to be has told me things he has never told anyone before and i have held something in about what someone has done to harm me in my past and i have been wanting to tell him its just hard and i dont know how and i dont know how it would affect things around certain people. i know my soon to be wil be very angry toward that person. i just dont know how to tell him and all...... anyone ever had a similar situation?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Dec. 15, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Yes, I have. It's hard, but if it is that someone raped or molested you, then you need to tell him before you marry him because as you may already know it could lead to problems later with intimacy, trust etc... if you've forgiven the person, then he needs to respect that you did and would be understandable for him to not trust the person.
    It really depends on what it is but if you feel that you should tell him, do so before the wedding.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 11:03 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • i have to agree with lisa i would tell him before the wedding like sit down with him in a calm manner and just say i have something to tell you it dont have anything to do with us but its about something that happened to me in the past and so on good luck

    Answer by wendy232425 at 11:09 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • You are going to marry this person soon. Trust and communication are the keys to a successful marriage. He deserves to know something so importnat about your past. Sit him down in a quiet and private place and just tell him. The previous poster is correct that it could affect certain asppects of married life. He deserves to know what he's marry into BEFORE he walks down the aisle. Whomever your attacker/abuser was is not important. It may not even be important for him to know the name of the person. "a family member" is enough. It isn't about that person it's about you being totally upfront with him about your past. The person that harmed you is obviously still around the family gatherings. If you can handle that then he will have to to.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:13 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Iv never been in this situation but I think if I was I might just keep it to myself id want to put it behind me not bring it into my future and then if it became an issue then I would sit him down and explain my situation, but if its not a problem or getting in the way of your relationship or intamacy I would keep it to myself!! This is just my opinion and what i might do if it were me!! good luck with whatever you choose!!

    Answer by scaredmommy08 at 11:16 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • yes i had to tell my fiance that i was sexually molested from age 3 till 13 by my step dad. hes been the only person that i told until early this year he gave me courage to confront the man and the situation

    Answer by Shannon85 at 11:52 AM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Absolutely you should tell him. There is no reason to hide something from your partner. This is someone who you are going to spend the rest of your life with, and if you can't tell him this, then you are likely to hide things from him in the future. Yes, I've been there before. I had to tell my husband that I had be raped, and I was ashamed, but he's helped me work through it, and our relationship is stronger because of it. Give your significant other some credit, yes, he might be upset, but his anger or being upset is just going to be from loving you so much that he is angry someone hurt you. Trust me, telling him is best.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.