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We do not allow alcohol at our home.....

We have NEVER allowed anyone to drink around our kids. There is some severe alcoholism in our family and out or repect for that I have never had more than one beer at a time in my life. My husband has never even had one beer or drink of any kind. His family also has a history of alcohol abuse and just the idea of booze makes him sick.

We take a lot of flak from the drinking relatives for this, in particular my brother and sister. My brother thinks that nothing is any fun without alcohal, that it completes every event. This attitude scares me with regard to the alcoholism in our family. He has refused to come to my son's 3rd birthday party because we wouldn't let him bring beer.
My sister is another story. She is newly divorced and feels she has the right to have "fun" now. She drinks almost every day and has hangovers the next day. She is also the custodial parent of 3 kids, who call booze the "drink that makes mommy happy". She drinks in front of the kids all the time, and they know that it is the drink that makes her happy at night and grumpy in the morning. They are 3, 4 and 5, and I think that them knowing that is just sad.

We have had parties at our house every year for the beginning of summer vacation. This year (last week, actually) this brother and sister staged an "intervention" with us to explain to us that if we weren't going to allow them the freedom to drink in our home that they were no longer going to come to our parties. We said that it was our home and no one was drinking in front of our kids, and if they didn't want to come, that was fine.

After the party was over, our son who is 3 asked why auntie and uncle didn't come. We said they were busy that day and he asked if they were ever coming to our house again.
What should I say to this sweet little boy who loves his aunt and uncle? We aren't going to bend on this, it is too important to us.....Please help with words of support....Thanks:)

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:55 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Tell him that you have set some rules in your house and they don't like those rules, so they chose not to come over any more.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:58 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • It's fine that you have a no alcohol rule in your home. Your reasons are sound, but even if they weren't, you are entitled to run your household as you see fit. If other people cannot live within those rules, they are not required to be in your home.

    In terms of your little guy, I would just say, "Yes, it's sad that they weren't able to be here.", and leave it at that. As he gets older, hopefully your family will realize that they are missing out and just avoid alcohol for the few hours they visit with you. If it doesn't happen, then your son isn't really missing out, since a relationship with someone that selfish isn't healthy.

    And just so that you know - I've got no trouble having alcohol in my home or having a glass of wine in front of my kids. I'm not supporting you out of a dislike of alcohol, but as someone who respects the authority of a home.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 4:02 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Its no different than requesting NO smoking in a house either. If they don't want to come to your house because of your rules then its their loss not yours. To me, your son is better off having positive role models in his life than the selfish ones.
    PatriciaofMN

    Answer by PatriciaofMN at 4:17 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Well, I think your son will eventually stop asking and he'll be fine..
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You stick to your guns. I have no idea what to tell your son.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 3:58 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • stick to your guns, they are the ones missing out. As to how to explain it, dont go into much detail, say IDK when he ask if they are coming back, because truly you don't. right? :)
    2teens2LOs

    Answer by 2teens2LOs at 3:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Don't make a big deal out of it. Just tell your son that they'll come when they get a chance. It's not like he is old enough to really understand there is more to it. If you don't make a big deal of it, he won't either.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 4:31 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • We are waiting until our son is older to explain to him about alcohol. He is a very gentle hearted, empathetic child and when we explain about alcoholism he is going to be very sad that auntie and uncle have this problem and won't do anything about it. We don't want him to be hurt is the main thing, not just the alcohol. We don't want it in our house because he want him to remember from as young as he can that mommy and daddy have never had it in their house, and we still had plenty of fun. We aren't trying to "hide" the fact that alcohol exists, we just don't want trusted role models getting drunk in front of him with the attitude that it is the "only way to have fun". Unfortunately, there is never just one drink. Both brother and sister get WASTED at every family party. We always leave before it gets bad, but our son has started to notice how weird auntie and uncle are acting by the time we leave. Its sad :(
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:25 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Tell him that they were busy.

    As for your brother and sister, in case they don't already realize it--they both have problems with alcohol. See--the thing is--you're not enabling them to continue in their addiction at your home. That's a good thing. Have you ever attended an Alanon meeting?

    Your house, your rules.
    MamaMia9999

    Answer by MamaMia9999 at 10:24 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I just hope you know that your not stopping your kids from seeing alcohol. Especially if you go to restaurants....
    Thia7

    Answer by Thia7 at 4:20 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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