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What to do, what to say, how to say it?

I and my husband have decided not to allow my sister's children around our son any more. Nothing really serious has happened to our son yet, but we aren't going to wait until it does. We observed our nephew (age 7) trying to get our son alone (he is 2). When we followed them into the back yard, my nephew took a plastic baseball bat out from behind a bush and raised it over my son's head. My husband snatched it out of his hands as I grabbed our son. This is not the first time my nephew has acted this way towards another child. He usually chooses another little boy to hurt, and has given my other nephew (age 5) a punch in the face that nearly broke his haw.

We told my sister (his mom) about it, and she said, "Oh yeah, he hit a kid in his classroom the other day too. He's jealous of other boys that have a dad because his dad won't spend any time with him." So she basically blew it off.

This was 2 days ago and my husband and I have been talking about it non stop. We are going to tell my sister she is no longer welcome at our home with her son, which sucks because we have kind of the "family hangout" house, and if we exclude her she will be very upset. How can we say what we need to say without making it hurt her more? She refuses to discepline her son because she says it is his father's fault ( though I don't understand how that makes what he does ok with her...). HELP, please!!

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • i would stand your ground for the safety of your child, maybe she needs to her it - of course she'll be upset but at least your son will be safe
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Keep your son away from that boy!!! Some times you have to cut family off. Sorry but it sounds like your sister is to lazy to deal with the situation and just uses the fact its "his fathers fault" as an easy out.

    She needs to start disciplining him now before it gets worse. :0(
    Be strong and good luck to you both
    mashonad07

    Answer by mashonad07 at 4:15 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I understand the need of protecting your son. I see why you are saying you need to do this. But also, where is your nephew's dad? Would it help your nephew to have your dh around him? Could you allow them to visit and set boundaries of where they are allowed to play depending what room you are in? Don't let them out of site. Could your dh spend time with him, take him to a ball game or something if this truly is the root of the problem?
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 4:25 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I'm not sure what the best way is to approach her but remember the rest of the family may also not agree with your decision. Also expect some possible backlash from them.

    GL. I hope you guys can work it out.
    MrsMWF

    Answer by MrsMWF at 4:26 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • My cousin, 5 then, held down a friend's 2yo severely autistic Ds by the throat when I came around the corner from the kitchen. Several other times, I caught him holding down my dog and squeezing ears, feet, and bending her tail... he also picked up our cat by the neck and spun really fast in a circle, holding the cat out...

    Violence didn't stop there. He got a royal add-kicking, and has since repressed this crap. He's 10 now, and not allowed alone when he MUST come over, no telling when his lid will blow.

    I would make it very clear that the behavior is unacceptable, and until it is curbed and STOPPED, her Ds is not allowed to come over without full supervision.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 4:35 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Your nephew needs counseling..no matter whose fault it is. There is (free) counseling available to qualifying families dealing with this kind of stuff. My son (13 now) does not have a dad in his life and had a lot of anger when he was younger (5-7). We put him in (free) counseling and it helped a lot. My son is doing very well now. It needs to be taken care of now before it escalates. In the meantime, keep ur child away from him. Good luck!
    devsmom98

    Answer by devsmom98 at 5:15 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Just tell her straight out. I wouldn't really care about her feelings. Obviously she didn't care about your child's safety because she didn't do anything to sotp her kid.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 5:47 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • His dad is in and out of the picture, and quite frankly, I'm not giving up my husband's free time to spend it with another kid, other than his own. He goes to work before our kids are up, comes home a few hours before their bedtime, and catches up sleep on the weekends. We get probably a total of 20 or so hours a week with him, and I'm not giving it up because my sister picked a loser to be the father if her kids. We have several brothers who are single who can spend time with the brat without endangering their kids or losing precious time with them. That isn't the answer to this problem. We just don't want to have to tell her "You're doing a shit job raising your kid. We don't want to ever see you again." Unfortunately, it seems like we are going to have to do just that....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:18 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Wow. How about actually helping her find a way to help this kid? How about visits but only with close parental supervision. Maybe, just maybe, this kid needs to feel like he's a part of something?
    MamaMia9999

    Answer by MamaMia9999 at 10:21 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

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