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3 Bumps

Any 'man' can produce a baby, does that go the same with women?!?

Ok, we have all heard the saying, 'any man can produe a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father', does the same hold true for women, 'any woman can have a baby, but it takes a real woman to be a mother'? We all hear the arguements that women that place a baby for adoption is still their mom and should be aknowledged, even though she has walked away from her baby... But when a man does it, the whole world turns on him... Why can a woman walk away and be praised and feel she deserves pictures and updates, but when a man walks away from his child, he deserves nothing? Hmmmmm.....

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:24 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Adoption

Answers (26)
  • Hmm, maybe it is because a woman could have chose not to have given birth at all. She could have easily have had an abortion if she wanted an "easy" or fast way out. A guy can find out the girl is pregnant and just disappear. The woman still has a lot of issues to deal with.
    JamieLK

    Answer by JamieLK at 4:27 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • given that the parts are working properly, yes any man or woman can reproduce and yes it takes a special kind of person to be a mother or a father, this is not restricted to biological parents only.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 4:28 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Hmmm... Food for thought. Being married to a man who has a child from a previous realtionship, I can relate. It's made me very aware of how dads get the short straw just becuse they didn't give birth to the child. Things have been balancing out these days, but especially when she was young the BM would often act like she was the necessary parent and he was just her free babysitter... (never mind that at that time he was definitely pulling way more of the workload with the child, and BM was out partying all the time and only took the kid when she had to)
    earthmama727

    Answer by earthmama727 at 4:29 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • A funny scene from Desperate Housewives-- Bree & Rex are arguing over who loves their teenager more. Bree implys that basically she's more improtant because she "carried him" and the dad says, "Alright, so he hung out in your womb for a few months back in the '80's, but since then I have grown to love him just as much as you do!"

    I think it's easy for moms to slip into that frame of mind because of the physical connection we had when we carry them, but I believe both parents play a vital role.
    earthmama727

    Answer by earthmama727 at 4:33 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think it's more the mother chose to give the baby life and a real chance instead of aborting but that shouldn't be the only reason to say shes a mother. A lot of mothers choose to keep the baby and the man runs at the thought so I think that is where the saying came from. But I do believe some men are treated wrongly and misjudged when they could easily be a better parent than the mother had they had the chance. DH had a son from a one night stand and stayed to help the mother through it. They chose to adopt the child out and the son is much better off now than he ever could have been. DH keeps in constant contact with the family, the son knows who he is and who I am along with the knowledge he has a half sister. Yet the biological mother is nowhere to be found and hasn't talked to her son in 5 years. It can easily go both ways IMO.
    07lilmama1108

    Answer by 07lilmama1108 at 4:40 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I should add that I didn't realize which category I was in when I posted my previous answers..... I do have respect for biological mothers who give their children up for adoption. If a woman doesn't believe she will be able to properly care for a child, so she gives it up for adoption, that's not necessarily "walking away"--it's a high sacrifice she's making for that child. I don't believe it happens without a huge amount of heartbreak on her behalf, and I do believe she still deserves respect. And afterall-- she gave a family that couldn't have kids their dream come true-- a baby!! Wouldn't it be a nice act of GRATITUDE to send a few pictures, maybe a little, "this is what s/he is doing these days"

    earthmama727

    Answer by earthmama727 at 4:52 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You don't know anything about relinquishing a child if you think that is an easy way out......it is anything but that. I think it is wrong for dads to be dismissed as much as it is for moms. Saying anyone can make a baby obviously is untrue too.....sadly, not everyone can.

    All those statements that begin with "anyone can...." are simply ways to put down and dismiss birth parents, and I think it is too bad that some people feel a need to do that. Some people are better parents whether they are adoptive or biological parents. Adopting doesn't mean you will be a perfect parent anymore than giving birth does.
    Southernroots

    Answer by Southernroots at 9:43 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I was adopted and my bio mom and dad are still together...and have been since age 14. They were both devastated that they had no support system. Sometimes a dad isn't in the picture to be heartbroken, and usually adoptions are between unwed mothers that don't have a future with the dad. I don't think there is an answer because not every situation is a cookie cutter...they're all different.
    southernbelletx

    Answer by southernbelletx at 11:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • In my eyes, when a woman places a child up for adoption she


    is not


    that childs mother, she is that childs BirthMother.


    I feel you have a valid question....In my situation....


    I am closer with my daughters birthfather than her birthmother.

    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 11:37 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • This question does not have anything to do with me persae, it was just for discussion sake, I've been thinking about it with all of the issues coming up with questions about birthmom's versus adoptive parents...

    Personally, I don't think it pertains to every mother that has placed a child up for adoption, just as I don't believe the saying about men pertains to every father that is not involved in their childs life...

    With Adoption, just like life in general, every situation is different, I believe there are people, men and women alike that this statement does apply to, unfortunately. I believe it goes with all things, open versus closed adoption, it is case by case, no situation is the same... But in the end, the child is the one that bears the result, good or bad...
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:01 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

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