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I think I'm done...how do you know when you're done???

When my husband and I first started getting serious and started talking about marriage and yadda, yadda, yadda we agreed that we would have 4 kids...I already had my daughter from a previous relationship (she was 8 months old when my DH came into our lives and is the only daddy she knows) and we would have 3 more together....well our daughter is 4 now and we just had a son a month ago....I'm starting to think that I might be okay with just 2 kids... I've said that to him a few times over the last month but I think that he thinks I'm joking or something, or just tired or stressed out, whatever the case is, he doesnt think I'm serious....he still wants more kids and he wants to have them soon...like next year start trying to get pregnant again soon. I know that if we DID have another kid I would love him just the same and I know I wouldnt resent him OR my husband but I'm pretty content with the 2 I have.

How did you know when you were done having children? Did both you AND your husband/spouse agree on the number of children you were going to have beforehand? Did either of you change your mind and how did you deal with it?

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Lucky209

Asked by Lucky209 at 5:44 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 28 (35,060 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • i always wanted just one more till i lost my DD in jan and now i just feel a blah thought when i think of having more i think i lucked out with one healty one thats here so im done at 3
    myboysRmyhero

    Answer by myboysRmyhero at 5:46 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You think you won't resent the child or husband but you will... If you are done, then I would explain this to hubby. Four children are a lot of work.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 5:48 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I would say, you JUST had a baby two months ago. Give him the line of "it takes a year for my body to recover" which it does anyway and reassess the situation then lol
    BeachyBabe

    Answer by BeachyBabe at 5:50 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think maybe wait til little sonny is over a year, right now your hormones are going nuts and lack of sleep is hard to take.. we always wanted 2 then had our son and realized we weren't cut out for the house full of kids we thought we were or the chaos of parenting.. My DH went to get snipped in Dec and I couldn't let him do it- not sure why since its always ME saying we are done but I can't yet.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:50 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • what's weird is before i had my son, i was like, "I want a few more kids." but it wasn't even a month or 2 when he was wanting to have another one. I just wasn't up for it. lookin back now i wish i woulda had maybe one more, cuz the only child syndrome is hard. but his dad seems to be having plenty of siblings for him. I am happy with one. sometimes when u feel that it's right, it just is. you can only put ur body through so much. it's all well n good for them to want the kids, but it's you that has to carry them. that's what i think anyway!
    goofygalno1

    Answer by goofygalno1 at 5:51 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I always knew that I wanted a big family, like 4 or 5 kids. My husband wanted one. After I had my son, I was content with just one, and I was content untill he was about 3 1/2 and then I started wanting another one. Not 3 or 4 more but one more, and he was ok with that. I say just give it time, you never know you may want another one in the future you may not. We both changed our minds and agreed with each other. We are very active have one kid, and two dogs so adding one more child would be good, but more would just be to hecktic for us. Hope this helped.
    jessicapoker

    Answer by jessicapoker at 5:58 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • i never gave a shit how many kids my ex wanted.. he wanted like 12.. uh whatever.. is my body.. i was good with the two i had and went on birth control after my son and waited a few years before i had my tubes tied just to be sure..
    girlglow6

    Answer by girlglow6 at 6:02 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I always wanted 6 kids. We are done with 3. When DD2 was born, it just felt like our family was complete.
    Cavalrybaby02

    Answer by Cavalrybaby02 at 6:04 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • i know when my older two were 3 years old and newborn, i also was content with two. but then our "oopsey" happened when my newborn was 4 months old, and we added a third to the mix. 3 is a lot of work! we knew for sure we were done after her so he got a vasectomy. i think it's too soon for you to make this decision now, nobody wants to think about having more babies when they're already taking care of one and have older children. as another poster said give your body a year to recover and then re-assess.
    tnm786

    Answer by tnm786 at 6:04 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I would be hesitant to say that you are for sure done. You JUST had a baby. Your hormones are still all over the place from that, and you are seeing the negative, the hard part, of having more than one child. I think you should sit him down and tell him seriously that you are having doubts about having more kids, so that if you do decide that you don't want any more it doesn't come as a complete shock. I also think you should keep an open mind. It could turn out that you really are done... or in a year or two you might really miss babyhood and decide to have another child. Be open to compromise. Maybe you decide you are done, but because he really wants more children you avoid permanent birth control, or you adopt, or become foster parents, or what have you.

    Good luck. Keeping communication open is the first step.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 6:07 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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