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Relationship advice please or just need to vent...

I'm trying to figure out what to do in my relationship and need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and live together. We have a beautiful daughter and truely do love each other. I've finally come to the realization that this is it in our relationship. There is no going forward together. He wprks the same dead end job that he absolutely hates and makes crappy pay but he won't do anything about (like look for a better job or go back to school). He hates it so much and is miserable. We barely get by and I am in school right now and work just a couple shifts a week to help out with the bills. We are in debt and a lot of it has to do with all of his "toys" (truck, atv...). I want to be married one day and let's face it we will never have any extra money for anything like that. We love each other and I don't know how to get out of this he is so unhappy which makes me unhappy and our daughter senses it. I wanted to go to counciling (free classes) and won't even go. He's so stressed from his job and his toys always breaking and I'm stressed from school and because he's so stressed. What do we do? How do we even try to move forward?

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samantha21385

Asked by samantha21385 at 6:49 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 13 (953 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • What is your job and your future? Can you make it any better on your own. Or if you have a good job or are going to school to better yourself, you can take your life to a hire financial level.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You don't need lots of money to get married, you can do a lovely simple wedding very cheap...and then get all the tax benefits from being legally married. Just let go of needing a royal ball.

    As far as budgeting goes, I recomend the Dave Ramsey book "total money makeover," really easy, life changing, read for lots of people.
    Dkhilly

    Answer by Dkhilly at 6:54 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Hugs. I guess you will have to be the logical one here. I would talk to him and maybe help him to make the changes he needs. Communicate and let him know your honest concerns, fears and what you need and want out of life. Keep humor close. Humor has a way to break through our pains and help to smooth over tough times..... Good luck.
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 7:02 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I am going to nursing school and will be done next may. Its going to take some time before I can make so decent money. Right now I work as a bartender and don't make a good amount really and I am in school 5 days a week and work three nights a week. I feel like I don't even spend time with my daughter anymore.
    samantha21385

    Comment by samantha21385 (original poster) at 7:02 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You guys are in a rough patch, and desperately need to sit down and have a heart to heart.
    pookiekins34

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 7:04 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Maybe he'd take another job if someone found one for him. Lots of people just don't want to go through the process to find another one so they settle for being miserable. Ask around and see if there is someone who knows of a job he'd like better. I'd try that before I got rid of a perfectly ok guy. Yes, that's enabling but after that if it doesn't get better tell him to shape up or ship out
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:05 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think it's the fact that the wedding continues to get put off, but his toys are always there that is most annoying. The fact that after8 years and a baby you aren't even engaged is a true sign of where you stand with him. Sorry to say he's wasted a lot of your time, but it quite honestly sounds true. My ex boyfriend was a lot like this. I got him to go to school and change jobs, so he was finally seeing a positive thing in his future and then he broke up with me. I never expected an expensive ring or lavish wedding, but I expected a solid commitment which he wanted (or claimed) as well before he started going to college. He later tried to get back together, but I was over it. 2 years of trying to make him happy was just exhausting, especially when he could end it so abruptly. Have a real heart to heart, if he'll even listen. Maybe some time apart will do you good.
    camiam81

    Answer by camiam81 at 7:12 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I have tried so hard to talk to him but he's not that type of guy that likes to talk about anything. Everytime I bring it up he doesn't answer or changes the subject.
    samantha21385

    Comment by samantha21385 (original poster) at 7:13 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Continue with your schooling so you can be self sufficient. Sounds like your man is immature and self centered. Either he puts big man pants on, marries you, takes care of his family, provides for the future, or he can be peter pan for the rest of his life.
    tasches

    Answer by tasches at 7:19 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • soudns like you could use a break from each other, a little time and space alone
    expose you and your dd to the good stuff
    lizzybee44

    Answer by lizzybee44 at 7:21 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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