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Ok so i feel guilty and i know i should

Ok, so for the last few weeks i had been talking to this guy who is my best friend's cousin. I thought that we were really hitting it off, but i felt like there was something he was hiding. he would always talk crap about his "babys mom" and i felt for him because i thought we had alot in common. lets just say that i slept with him and i found out last night that he is married. i honestly didnt know, but i had kinda been wondering if thats what was going on. she pretended to be him and was text messaging me and i replied back because i had no idea that it was her. she called and i hung up on her because i was in shock but i did apologize to her. i feel so guilty, because my daughter's dad did the same thing to me that this guy did to his wife. and my best friend didnt know what was going on with me and him, but im mad at other people in her family because they knew and didnt tell me. i dont want to be bashed on here, because i honestly do feel like crap, i should have known he was married because i have known the family for yrs. this is more of a vent than a question. am i a horrible person because i didnt know? im beating myself up and it's killing me to know that i hurt someone else without intention.

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Asked by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • If you honestly did not know, you are just as much a victim as his wife but with less involved. don't feel guilty.

    Answer by CassiRae3 at 7:45 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You were operating on what you knew at that time. You were honest with the wife and sounds like you plan to stay away from him. Live and learn, he's the real one to blame here.

    Answer by camiam81 at 7:54 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • he lied to you
    he lied to his wife
    and his family lied to you by omitting the truth

    he is an asshole

    you are oneof his victims

    of course you are going to question, why you did not :know: it in your gutt, how would you - he lied to you
    you will have to forgive yourself and try not to shut down all future men, but i bet you will be more cautious in the future-human nature

    is the wife still calling you? or did this just happen? if she calls again, i would be honest and tell her that you had NO IDEA he was married, and when you found out-you ended it 100%, if she wants to scream-cut it short and say "sorry, i did not know, sorry he lied to me and to you"

    Answer by fiatpax at 7:57 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • no she only called me once and shockingly she was really kinda nicer than i would have been. i am being hard on myself, but i cant help but be hard on myself :(

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 7:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Don't beat yourself up. We as women should stick together on this one and not let them et away with it. You apologized to his wife sodomy feel bad. I only hate the ones who keep seeing the guy after they find out.

    Answer by MISSOCTOBER at 8:00 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I agree with the other women here. If you honestly, truly DID NOT know he was married, then you are just as much a victim as his wife. Now that you DO know what kind of slime he is DO NOT give him the time of day.

    From what you've said his wife has forgiven you and does not blame you. Take that and run with it. Move on (easier said than done, I get that), You've done and said all you can to HER, now have nothing to do with him.

    (((((HUGS))))) good luck to you.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 8:20 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • You didn't know! And I also would be angry with those who didn't tell me, especially since they knew you! Or, they may have assumed you knew and didn't care (which you run into with cheaters sometimes). Just take it as a learning experience and move on.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 3:45 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • yeah it's a very big learning experience, and i'm more mad at the family that didnt tell me than anyone else

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:44 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

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