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Do you think this is my bad attitude (not denying the possibility) or more the people I have known in my life?

I find myself being extremely pessimistic with most people when they tell me they're "in school" or "engaged", because my first reaction in my head is "yeah, we'll see!" Not that I would ever say any of it out loud, but with most people, I have a hard time believing it until I see it actually happen.

One of my besties is in school, and I know she goes hard at it so I know she will finish. My old college roommate got married and I knew they would because I have seen their relationship. But some co-workers and some of my brother's friends and other acquaintances I just see making hasty decisions and not following through on anything so I am instantly skeptical.

I feel bad thinking negatively about someone's (potential) major life changing events, but I'm not wrong very often.

If you think it is me...what should I do about it? I don't say anything, and will offer congratulations and well wishings, but should I make an effort to change thinking about it. This is the first I've really come out and said I think like this?

And what about you? Do you find yourself doing the same thing?

Am I an old bitty now? Because I think this is something they would think LOL

Answer Question
 
Mom-2-3-Girlz

Asked by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 9:21 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Relationships

Level 37 (93,457 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • I offer people genuine congratulations b/c I want people to suceed and reach their dreams. I'm glad that you keep your true opinions to yourself otherwise you might alienate a lot of people.
    HollyBoBolly

    Answer by HollyBoBolly at 9:25 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • If this is just how you think, and isn't something you ever say out loud, then it isn't really a problem, except that it shows a negativity on your part that may carry through in other areas as well. If someone says they are in school or engaged, and you don't think they have what it takes to succeed, that's too bad. You said you still wish them well. But if you don't change your perspective, then you could be looking for the "bad" in everyone, rather than risk being hurt when someone does let you down.
    You may be a happier person if you try to look for the good in everyone. Are you religious? If so, praying can help. When you realize you are thinking a negative thought, stop right there! Consciously change that thought. Smile! It is hard to be neg. when you are smiling. Think something nice about that person. Sincerely wish them well. Being more positive can improve your health, as well as your whole outlook on life.
    LoreleiSieja

    Answer by LoreleiSieja at 9:29 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I don't feel that way about people going to school. But, I get so many people calling for houses to rent and they tell me it is for them and their fiance. Everyone is a fiance. It use to mean that the couple was about to be married. No more!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • Not generally. There are a chosen few in my family that I blow off whenever they come up with these gradiose ideas because I've watched them not follow through too many times...but others in general, no.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 9:30 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I agree that I should never say it out loud...it would hurt feelings, and what would be the point of pretty much announcing to someone "I think you're going to fail"...I wouldn't want them to not try, and the most I could gain from being that large an a-hole would be an "I told you so" moment later...which I don't want.

    You're right that I want them to succeed...it is the part that I genuinely don't think they will that makes me feel like a terrible person.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Comment by Mom-2-3-Girlz (original poster) at 9:30 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think taking other peoples' inventory and looking in their mirror only reflects how much more work we need to do while standing in front of our own and taking our own inventory. It is called a character defect and instead of working on making changes in yourself it is coming out sideways judging others. It is common. What do you need to do to feel good about yourself? Do some deep, honest searching and find out where you might be able to improve yourself. It is a good thing. Your thoughts are where your emotions come from. Eventually you will truely have good thoughts if you condition yourself to fight off that negative committee in your head,. don't beat yourself up, focus on gratitude, allowing others to be who they are and keeping a constant check on your thoughts. You sound like you have a good heart. See if you can find the core of why you do this, then keep making small changes. GL :-)
    LeJane

    Answer by LeJane at 10:30 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

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