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2 Bumps

Am I too old fashioned??

My niece is 22 years old and has been dating a guy for less than a year. This is her first real relationship. I just found out she is moving in with him. I am old fashioned and believe you shouldn't live with a man unless there is a long term commitment like a ring on your finger. I am 42 years old and have 3 daughters, ages 7, 5, and 2. What are your thoughts on this?? Am I behind the times??


Asked by Anonymous at 10:50 PM on Jun. 30, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

This question is closed.
Answers (22)
  • No, I don't believe so... because it seems that couples that choose to live together feel less need to make that committment that is needed for the glue of staying together. This is certainly not true for everyone, but for a lot of folks this is like a backdoor out of a relationship... I mean, you get all the goodies of being married, but at the same time... if it gets hard, there are no binding factors so it makes it easy to walk. I personally think that this is a road to heartache... especially if there are kids involved or kids that come along. I do understand though the hesitancy for many to marry, because so many have seen knockout dragout fights when it comes to divorce... but no I don't agree with co-habitation... IMO, the old saying holds true... "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" lol!

    Answer by momof2redhedz at 1:55 AM on Jul. 2, 2011

  • Yeah. Moving in is a different kind of commitment. I would be more concerned if she were marrying him after less than a year, than moving in with him....

    Answer by Blue_Spiral at 10:53 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I would be concerned as well, I think its young to move in together etc at that age with your first relationship, but I am a little old school when it comes to this....

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 10:54 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I started dating my man when I was 23. We moved in together about 15 months later. I'm 40 now. I still don't have a ring and couldn't care less. That ring isn't meaningful to everyone.

    I won't judge your beliefs. Your niece's beliefs don't match yours. She'll swim or sink on this one but it's a choice she's making. I hope that it works out for her. I know from experience that it absolutely can.

    Answer by Nonoluna at 10:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I personally don't believe in living with someone outside of marriage. I'm younger than you at 35. So I guess I'm extremely old fashioned.

    Answer by Crafty_Stitcher at 11:01 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I lived with my DH for 6 years before we got married. It worked for us, but we got married b/c it was time to have kiddos. It's a different time, I don't have any problems with people living together.


    Answer by Crafty26 at 10:53 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I think it's a good idea, it's always smart to test drive before you buy. She is old enough to make her own decisions.

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 10:58 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • No I agree with you but time has changed but for MY girls I would stick to what I believe. Just wish your niece well and stay on top on your girls GL

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:58 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • I moved in with my husband after only dating him 3 months. We're now married and have been together for a total of almost 7 years. We're happier than ever. I think that we "just knew". And honestly...I you learn a lot about someone by living with them...things you can't possibly know otherwise. I wanted to know exactly who I was marrying before I did so. I wanted to know him inside and out first. Believing what you do isn't wrong, there's nothing wrong with being a little old-fashioned, but try to accept that it can work out well for some people.

    Answer by LovingSAHMommy at 10:59 PM on Jun. 30, 2011

  • yes you are very old fashioned. i think that in order to really get to know a man, you have to live with him. there are lots of things a person can hide if you don't live with them.

    Answer by gwen20 at 11:01 PM on Jun. 30, 2011