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Should I do her laundry?

My 12 year has been smoking. We didn't know until a few weeks ago when DH found cigarettes in her backpack. She openly admitted that she does, we throw them away every time we find them on her. Obviously she has not stopped and has quite the attitude about it, basically saying there is nothing we can do to stop her. She is rarely away from us except for the two hours she is home alone after school. We are at our wits end. Her clothing is reeking of smoke and makes me sick when I wash her clothes , I have asthma and it actually acts up when I do the wash. Dh told her that she has to do her own, but she hasn't. Its all piled up and she has nothing clean! I hate to cave, but what do I do? Just let her wear dirty stinky clothes?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Dec. 15, 2008 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (19)

  • You could always take a different tack if your asthma is that bad. Ask her if she could put her clothing in the machine and you will fold up/dry them. Tell her her smoke smelling clothes make your asthma flare up and its hard for you to breathe.

    Despite her smoking - she knows you dont condone it..and as much as you hate it, I dont think you should stop doing the things you normally do for her. That inmo shows conditional love.

    Answer by keyaziz at 2:53 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • yupe.....let her wear dirty stinky clothes...

    Answer by Dannee at 1:16 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Absolutely. At twelve years old, she's old enough to do her own laundry, and to understand why she's having to do it herself. If this were me, my twelve year old would have been doing her own laundry already.
    That said, I think your bigger issue is the smoking.

    Answer by kk_bella at 1:17 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • well, IMO, smoking has nothing to do with it. She's old enough to do her own laundry. I assume you work right? so that doesn't leave much time in the day for you to get all the house work done anyways. If she wants clean clothes, she'll eventually wash them. kids at school will start teasing her for stinking and she'll figure it out. just make sure she knows how to use the washing machine.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:17 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • well you could let her wear stinky dirty clothes but whats the lesson there?
    maybe wash them and try to teach the lesson of why she shouldnt smoke a different way?

    Answer by americansugar80 at 1:18 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Yes, Let her do her own laundry and if she wants 2 wear dirty clothes, then let her go for it. She will eventually wash it,especially when ppl her age start making fun of her b/c she stinks. She'll learn. Sometimes it just takes tuff love :)

    Answer by mommyof32123 at 1:19 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Don't cave. Make her leave her dirty cloths in her room. Put a hamper in their and shut her bedroom door . She will wash them eventally.
    I hope you stoped giving her money.

    Answer by louise2 at 1:23 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Why is the dirty laundry the big deal here? If she doesn't do her laundry, put all her clothes in a trash bag (except an outfit or 2 of your choice) and put them away until she learns some responsibility. I think that the big issue here is that Your 12 year old is SMOKING! I understand that you take them and throw them in the trash, but where is she getting them from? School? Neighbor? If it's the school, then I would notify the principal of the problem and have them search her belongings daily. I would also find a "Babysitter" for those 2 hours that I couldn't be there. If you let her get away with this behavior now, you'll have no chance in hell by the time she's 13 or 14.

    Answer by Kimebs at 1:25 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • It took a lot of coaxing on our part to get her to tell us where she gets them. The middle and high schools share a large campus, and apparently two older girls go and sell the cigarettes to the younger ones at lunch or outside right after school. I talked with the principle and voiced my concern, but was told they couldn't do anything without actually catching them in the act of selling them. It made us so angry that they didn't seem to care! The babysitter idea is a good one and something I will be lookin into.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Dec. 15, 2008

  • Let her wash, she will learn.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 PM on Dec. 15, 2008