Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

animosity in the family

my husband and my family are like oil and water, they just dont mix... and i mean not at all..nothing my husband does is good enough for them. they always seem to find something wrong.. our marriage isnt perfect , but we love each other and im just wondering if my family keeps this up, will it eventually take a toll on our marriage to the point that it ends, or is there a solution??

we've only been married since november so were new at this marriage thing... needing guidance badly!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:24 PM on Jul. 12, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • Word of advise, they might be your family but don't listen to what they say. You know what kind of man your husband is and that's all that matters. Don't let family know your business. I should know. When I was little my parents got divorced because they lived in a three family house. Upstairs was my grandmother and downstairs was my aunt. When ever my mom and dad argued the family got in the middle and tried to talk down about my father. In the end it was too much and they separated. I look back on that and use it for my own marriage. What happens between my husband and I is no ones business. As long as you guys love each other and are always there for each other it will be okay.
    bellalatina81

    Answer by bellalatina81 at 10:39 PM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • You are right to be concerned. Difficulty with the family can take it's toll on a marriage.
    It's best to handle things early on and not have stress build up for yrs. You are in the middle- and need to talk with your family and your husband. Let your family know that you want your marriage to have the best chance possible and that means you need them to be supportive . Let them know that if it fails, you don't want their relationship with ur husband to have been an issue. Don't complain about him to your family over minor things. It just worries them and causes resentment -while you 2 go and make up. Put your marriage/new family first. Good luck
    ChattyWifePlus2

    Answer by ChattyWifePlus2 at 10:50 PM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • I'd tell the family patriarch or matriarch to lead the way in stopping it or they won't be seeing much of your family because you have to honor your husband and protect your kids.
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 11:53 PM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • You and your husband are your new family. If this is a blended family both sides will tug. (kids I'm referring to) If this is both of your own immediate families tugging..only you both have the ability to set the boundaries but you have to be able to step up to the plate and let them know they are crossing them. You have to draw the lines, let your own respective families know what they are, let them know you two are a team and you don't appreciate their interference. Support each other and show each family you are a team...be one and let them see it. Good luck. I also agree with chattywife...don't moan to your families about the petty things, save that for your best friend or confidante.
    s.c.a.r.l.e.t.

    Answer by s.c.a.r.l.e.t. at 11:53 PM on Jul. 12, 2008

  • ill be the first one to say always respect your parents. however you are an adult and a parent now as well. been there with my family. there is a time when you need to draw a line. when i stopped worring about what other people said and thought-family that is, things calmed down. you need to focus on the two of you and your kids or soon to be kids. one way to put it is- if hes not beating you and if hes coming home after work so far so good to me. take one thing at a time. look for a way for you to fix it dont assume hes going to. its taken me 8 years a marriage to relize you need to accept the things you can not change. patience,understanding and exceptence. men are very diffuclt. its us women who really do keep things together.
    crazytrio

    Answer by crazytrio at 12:46 AM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • Your husband married you to please you not your family and visa versa. Or did he marry your family?
    Prissy51

    Answer by Prissy51 at 3:16 AM on Jul. 13, 2008

  • my bff has this very same problem. stand by your man. listen to thier concerns but stand by your man. you have to understand that they would not be comign at you with this if they didn't have a reason so let them say it then tell them "okay, you've said it, i've heard you. now hear me. i appreciate your concern but i love him and he loves me. period. you can make peace with that fact or i can go home. i won't be badgered every time i come over here and i wont subject him to it. its your choice." and stick by it. they've been married 16 years adn her family still thinks he is a lazy bum, with good reason. but they are happy, always have been happy and i think, always will be.
    princezzmommie

    Answer by princezzmommie at 3:40 AM on Jul. 16, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.