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Should I feel like a sh*tty friend ?

I have had the same best friend for a long time, however we hardly ever see each other...

I babysitt as a "job" ( so I can also be stay at home mom) .. I lately have been feeling very stressed with my babysitting because I cannot really do anything with the kids i take care of ( i cant take them outside or anywhere else besides my house) .. and I have them 5 days a week, morning to night.... I feel guilty for not getting to spend quality time with my kids and I also can not feel relaxed ...

SO , i finally got lucky and found out I do not have to watch them tomorrow ( there dad doesnt have work) ..... this is really my ONLY day off in i cant remember when ( sat and sunday I have to spend with my inlaws and that is just like a stressful job) ...

My friend and I made plans, me and my kids were going to go there and just hang out - have lunch and talk while the kids play... and I was really looking forward to it because it just felt like it was going to be relaxing and grown up time that I havent had in a long time...

THEN a few hours after we talked, she calls to say " oh yeah i forgot we are having a yard sale tomorrow, so Tara and the kids will be here too" and talked about how fun it will be... but in my head I started thinking fo what i could say because I was not going to spend my day there ( I'll explain why) but I didnt want to hurt her feelings and a little bit later i texted her and said I had to go help my mom with something ...

Now when I was planning my ONLY day off .. I did not picture hanging out with her sister in law -- who is a disgusting druggie who has 5 kids, all of who she doesnt take care of , which means they will all be running around crazy, mixed in with my friends 3 small children ( including a newborn) , plus my two --- that is 10 kids all running around her tiny yard... not to mention actually having a yard sale set up ( meaning one of us, and I am sure that someone will be me) will have to refold and refix everything after someone comes to look... not to mention it is suppose to be almost 100 degrees tomorrow....

and now my friend is mad that I am "bailing" on spending time with her.... but with the mood I have been in, I just dont care... i would rather her be mad at me then me spend the day there... which is very unlike me...so I am sure i will feel very badly in a few days...

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:30 AM on Jul. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Also, by that post you can tell how "frazzled" I am because my grammar is usually on point, along with my typing ....
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:33 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • No, don't feel like a sh*itty friend, but do be honest. Tell her you would love to hang out with her, but you will not be spending time with druggies and she needs to respect that. You aren't bailing. You're sticking up for yourself. It doesn't matter if you had 1 day off or 100. If you aren't comfortable (with a damn good reason) then you have ever right to stand your ground, girl.
    kidnappedbylove

    Answer by kidnappedbylove at 12:34 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • thanks...

    i was close to telling her why I didnt want to go, but on the other hand she is super sensitive and if I said that about her sister in law ( or that I didnt want to be there with all those extra kids, when I am trying to take a break from babysitting) , that would hurt her, because even though her SIl is awful my friend loves her and is very close to her
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:39 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • Is ok and she will get ova it just as well as u
    benitaapplebomb

    Answer by benitaapplebomb at 1:00 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • yea, just leave it be, she'll get over it. you need to do what you need to do.
    danichaos

    Answer by danichaos at 1:15 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • She invited you over first, to have lunch and hang out...then texts you later saying "oh yeah, we're having a yard sale that day'...To me it sounds like she planned your invitation that way so you COULD help out all day with the yard sale.
    I would just tell her just what you told us. You NEED some time to yourself, you're exhausted, stressed out and just aren't up to running a yard sale with 10 kids and the gal that you don't feel comfortable around.
    I wouldn't feel one bit bad. Life is full of changes, I'm sure she can handle this one. No big deal.
    I hope you enjoy your time off somehow. I would go somewhere where no one could find me for awhile. No phones, no busy busy, just peace and quiet and R&R before you explode! Sounds like you've had it.
    KellyGirl_TX

    Answer by KellyGirl_TX at 1:41 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • She will get over it. Give it a week or two. IF she says anything, just say you watch kids all week, you just couldn't wrap your head about the tought of 10 kids running around a yard sale.
    BrendaW.

    Answer by BrendaW. at 4:23 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • You are right to feel this way. However, you should have been honest with her, at least about not wanting to spend time with any more kids. If she's a true friend, she'll understand and come around. Enjoy your day off and give her a call afterward and ask how her garage sale went. If her friendship is that important to you, be kind and understanding, but also let her know you'd like to try to get together again in the future. Good luck!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 8:27 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • My sils are te same way with their kids, and thats more of a job than I care to handle, So NO I dont blame you for bailing, at least you texted and let her know. I would be honest with her after you enjoy your day off, you deserve it!!
    kgrine

    Answer by kgrine at 9:19 AM on Jul. 1, 2011

  • I agree with KellyGirl. I think she was trying to sucker you in. If I watched kids for a living, the LAST thing I'd want to do on my day off is spend it with MORE kids!! I do think you should have told her the truth though.
    popzaroo

    Answer by popzaroo at 1:03 PM on Jul. 1, 2011

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